Barry Quote #1414
Matt: You hear that, Bar? Dr. Stevie Stevenson has your dream job.
Barry: Please. Does he also own a secret chocolate factory on the side, but instead of chocolate, it's biscuits?
Matt: I just met him, but I'm 100% certain no.
Andy: No, right?
Matt: No, it's definitely no.
Quote from Beverly
Lou Schwartz: Beverly, I assume you've seen this morning's Jenkintown Examiner?
Vic: Ooh, I love the Examiner. They did that expose on the donut place I like. My love of crullers helped fund the war in Nicaragua.
Beverly: No, this is about our children's wedding announcement.
Lou Schwartz: Kinda what I wanted to talk to you about, Beverly. "Geoffrey Todd Schwartz, son of L and L Schwartz, to wed Erica Goldberg, daughter of Beverly Goldberg, beloved cookbook author, beloved almost lawyer, and beloved Quaker Warden of William Penn Academy."
Beverly: Are you concerned there aren't enough "beloveds?"
Lou Schwartz: I faxed you a cornucopia of biographical information, none of which you included.
Beverly: Space was limited.
Lou Schwartz: So limited you couldn't include our first names? And why is there a photo of you?
Beverly: Well, I commissioned a portrait, but it wasn't ready.
Quote from Barry
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, my brother was an unlikely ladies' man. But when he met Joanne, an equally unpredictable wildcard, he finally found his perfect fit.
Barry: Thank you for attending this emergency presentation of our plans for your bachelor and bachelorette parties.
Erica: None of this seems like an emergency.
Barry: Shut up! Let's begin with diving, scuba, cliff, and sky. Your body might explode from all the drastic changes in pressure.
Geoff: Yeah, the only thing I'm jumping out of is bed every morning at 5:00. More time for a lazy breakfast with a book.
Barry: Fret not, my gutless friend. I'll strap you to my back so if the chute doesn't open, we'll smash together into an indecipherable slop that our parents will pour into a single grave.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Uh-oh. We still don't have a seat for your Aunt Edna.
Lou Schwartz: That woman is a pill. She always pats my belly and says, "Looks like you're having twins." [Beverly gasps] Screw you, Aunt Edna! At least I have eyebrows.
Beverly: Well, why don't we put Aunt Edna in the caterer's kitchen?
Lou Schwartz: I like where your head's at.
Beverly: And I am not fond of my cousin Ronnie who still cleans pools, so why don't we put him in the smoking section? [both laugh]
Lou Schwartz: We work well together.
Beverly: Weddings really do bring out the best in people.