Adam Quote #748
Principal Ball: Mr. Goldberg, you're way too big and old to be playing in the lockers.
Adam: Playing? My stupid brother Barry impressively crammed me in there.
Principal Ball: Good news for many is, he's graduating. He's moving on.
Adam: Thank God, but how?
Principal Ball: You pass your classes, you do your community service boom, done. To be honest, you just got to keep the herd moving.
Adam: Clearly. Barry didn't even do any.
Principal Ball: So, you're saying Barry did no community service at all?
Adam: [laughs nervously] I was I was just kidding. Um, Barry actually organized a community soup garden 10k run for food and, also, blood and shoes. And comfort dogs.
Principal Ball: That's clearly not real.
Quote from Geoff
Geoff: I know, and having to write a speech on top of everything else completely implodes my jam-packed Filofax schedule.
Erica: What the hell am I looking at right now?
Geoff: My summer broken down and planned to the minute.
Erica: Dude, you have two jobs and five summer school classes and an internship at LensCrafters.
Geoff: Not enough?
Erica: It's more than enough. You even scheduled bathroom breaks.
Geoff: It's either Wednesdays at 4:00 or not at all.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: How's Geoffrey feeling?
Erica: Like his body has been ravaged by shingles.
Beverly: [breathes sharply] That is wonderful news!
Erica: The sooner I ask, the sooner I can start regretting asking. Why is Geoff's pain wonderful news?
Beverly: You've locked down every yenta's dream a man so concerned with your future that he's made himself sick.
Erica: And why exactly is that good?
Beverly: He loves you so much he's willing to do anything to provide for you. Of course, his stress rashes will continue, and all his hair will fall out, and his tired body will break till he forms a widow's hump.
Erica: Ew. I don't want a rashy bald hunchback for a husband.
Beverly: You'd be so lucky. Every day, I thank God that I have a man who would exhaust himself into that- [Murray snores] - for me and this family. Murray, don't eat Ritz crackers in your sleep! You'll choke to death! Where were we?
Erica: We were just wrapping up your positive spin on having to watch your husband breathe. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Quote from Geoff
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Since my mom was the one that put Geoff back on track, she knew it was her job to help him.
Geoff: Webster's Dictionary defines "Webster" as a sitcom about an adorable, pocket-sized boy. Hold for laughter. You know, if there's one thing that this school's done for me, it's [snorts] helped me find my voice. My throat is dry. In the immortal words of Mahatma Gandhi, is it me or is it hot in here? Gandhi did not said that. I said that because I'm drenched in fear right now. Although he could have said that. We don't know. He was hot in India. So, in conclusion, I ask you, do you see floating spots? 'Cause there's, like, so many.