Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, before we had the Internet to diagnose all of our illnesses, we had my mom. That's right. Before there was WebMD, we had BevMD.
Erica: My neck is killing me. I must've slept on it funny.
Beverly: What's that? Neck pain? Can you look down?
Erica: Yeah, I guess.
Beverly: You guess? [scoffs] We're going to the doctor. It's definitely meningitis.
Erica: It's not meningitis!
Beverly: You know who else didn't think they had meningitis? Your cousin Gerald. Then it ate through his spine, and now he's just a human jellyfish they have to carry around in a bucket! Walk away from me. Let me see how you walk. Your gait's uneven. We're going to the doctor!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] But the worst was when you'd get caught between their medical philosophies.
Adam: Dad, does this look normal?
Murray: Considering you're a greasy, oily teen with a zit? Yes.
Beverly: No! That is a spider bite. My nail girl Janae's middle son thought he had a zit, but it was actually a black widow injection point. Next thing he knew, about 100 newborn spiders emerged from his fleshy cheek.
Adam: I don't like the spider eggs in my face, Mama!
Beverly: Murray, start the car. We're going to the E.R.
Murray: Yeah, it's a zit. I'm not doing that.
Beverly: Mama's got you, baby!
Adam: [panting] I don't want the spiders!

Barry: Come on, Erica! Just let me rock The Spectrum with you. This is my dream.
Erica: Oh, my God. You have so many stupid dreams. Why take mine?
Barry: But this one encompasses all of them. First, I wow the crowd with my lyrical gymnastics, thus getting signed to a major record label.
Erica: That's crazy.
Barry: Second, I drop the mic, pick up a hockey stick. The Flyers Wives see my hockey skills and immediately sign me to their husbands' team.
Erica: That's even crazier.
Barry: Third, I drop the hockey stick, pick up a stethoscope, save the charity by curing cancer right there on the ice!
Erica: You will not ruin my legitimate dream with your three ridiculous ones. You're not in the band!