Beverly Quote #948
Mr. Schnitz: Just tell me what you want.
Beverly: I'd like you to take comptrol of a traffic situation heretofore known as Goldberg v. Jenkintown.
Mr. Schnitz: Ma'am, this is just an office above a tuxedo shop, not a court of law where I can make any real-
Beverly: Exhibit A.
Mr. Schnitz: Okay, sure.
Beverly: This is the intersection in question. Note that there are only two stop signs, but by the time I rest my case, there will be four. Exhibit B.
Mr. Schnitz: Exactly how many exhibits are there?
Beverly: Behold, a scale model of our neighborhood. And please note Exhibit C. These are shards of windshield that almost had to be removed from my son's brain.
Mr. Schnitz: Oh, my God, that is horrib-
Beverly: We decided not to operate because he wasn't actually in the car.
Mr. Schnitz: What?
Beverly: Don't worry, he's fine and super talented, which is why I tasked him with Exhibit D. All rise.
Mr. Schnitz: I really don't want to.
Mr. Schnitz: Again, this is not a court You know what? Fine. Motion to get this over with, then.
Quote from Barry
Murray: Okay, that does not help. We really gotta wow 'em with your extra curriculars. All right, let me see your resume.
Murray: All you wrote down was "left-handed" and that you're an Aries? That's not exactly "boom" material.
Barry: That's all I got. And technically, I'm a Pisces, but I don't want to be no stupid fish.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: I've been saying it since the first time I ran that stop sign, that intersection is an accident waiting to happen, and it's high time Mama fixes the problem! You could've been seriously hurt!
Adam: How? I wasn't even there.
Beverly: But you could've been.
Adam: That's true.
Beverly: And, God forbid, you could've gone through the windshield like a delicious, little sack of potatoes, and, God forbid, a piece of glass could have lodged in your brain!
Adam: Oh, no!
Beverly: Thank God the shard got lodged in a place where you're fine, and they don't need to operate.
Adam: Thank God.
Beverly: But, God forbid, 20 years from now, you could sneeze, and boom! The shard shifts, and you're a veggie.
Adam: But I sneeze all the time!
Beverly: This is a parent's worst nightmare, and it's all because of a stupid stop sign!
Quote from Beverly
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And when she sent us off, that's when my mom's work really began. Yes, I'm calling about my flight to Fort Lauderdale, which might as well have been to hell because that's what my back and upper groin have been in since we landed. What does "TWA" stand for, anyway? "The Worst Airline"? You know what, Wayne? Just connect me to your supervisor. I'm gonna need to speak to your supervisor, Lydia. You know what? I need to talk to your supervisor. Just connect me to your supervisor. Well, maybe your supervisor feels differently. Let me speak to someone higher. Well, maybe your supervisor can help me. You know what? I demand to speak to your supervisor. Oh, you're the CEO? Well, then, I'm gonna need two first-class tickets and a mess of those little pretzel bags.