The Goldbergs - Coach Mellor Quote #74
Barry: Where do you want me, Coach?
Coach Mellor: The bench.
Barry: But if I'm on the bench, how could I be your star player?
Coach Mellor: Well, it's like this, Goldberg. You know when you gaze into the dark night sky and you see all those shimmering stars? I got a secret for you. They're not alone. There are a bunch of weak, crappy stars right behind them on God's great space bench, shining their dim, pointless light. Think about it.
Barry: I thought about it, Coach, and I don't want to be on the space bench. Please, I'm a star!
Quote from Barry
Murray: Look at this garbage. You're cocky and overrated, Bears!
Barry: The team and the animal. You think I can't grab a trout from a stream? I can!
Quote from Adam
Adam: Well, if there's one thing I know, it's that you can't just quit.
Barry: Dude, enough with your dumb sports movies.
Adam: This isn't from a movie. It's what I learned. Even if I don't ever get a chance to play, I can still help my team.
Barry: Like how you film the baseball games like a weird creep?
Adam: It's game film. It helps them improve.
Barry: Or like when the basketball rolls under the bleachers and you climb under to get it?
Adam: I fit in small spaces.
Barry: So even though you're an unbearable loser with no athletic ability and everyone talks about you behind your back, you still find a way to make a difference?
Adam: And you can, too. Also, what?
Quote from Murray
Guy: Look, we always appreciate donations, but we can't take these insane jackets.
Murray: Yeah, yeah, okay.
Guy: There's just so many of them, and it quickly became clear that we were gonna be stuck with them forever.
Murray: Yeah, that's a lot of information.
Guy: We have a few crazy bag ladies who will literally take anything off our hands. But in this case, the jackets just agitated them.
Murray: No need to go on.
Guy: We then dumped them in the alley, but all the stray cats instinctively attacked the jackets.
Murray: Now I got to be rude! [slams door]
Quote from Goldberg on The Goldbergs
Beverly: Can't you just get past it? He's your family.
Coach Mellor: You sound like Mama, God rest her soul.
Beverly: You mean..?
Coach Mellor: She died doing what she loved, though. Frog squats.
Beverly: Coach, does your brother have any idea what he's done to you?
Coach Mellor: That's what Mama asked me, right before she did that last ill-advised rep that sent her to the final cool-down in the sky. Oh, Mama, why'd you have to crush it so hard?
Quote from A Chorus Lie
Coach Mellor: Goldfarb! Wheel it in. Time for a private huddle. I'm going to put this delicately, kid. You smell like a gym sock's butt.
Adam: Uh, thanks.
Coach Mellor: You smell like a garlic diaper.
Coach Mellor: You smell like egg salad left in a humidifier.
Coach Mellor: I assume you don't notice because you live with that stink 24/7.
Adam: Oh no. I smell it.
Coach Mellor: There's half a Speed Stick in my desk. It's yours now. Be liberal with it. Coach is on your team, here. It's why I pulled you aside to avoid embarrassment.
Adam: I guess I would have preferred you pulled me aside just a little farther.
Quote from The Day After the Day After
Mr. Glascott: Okay, everyone, welcome to "The Day After" emergency assembly. First of all, I just want to assure you that everything is gonna be okay.
Coach Mellor: It will not be okay! There's nowhere to hide in a nuclear winter!
Mr. Glascott: Whoa. (chuckles) What Coach means is that there could be a nuclear winter, but it definitely won't happen.
Coach Mellor: Till it does.
Mr. Glascott: Does not, because it was just a movie.
Coach Mellor: That will, for sure, come true.
Mr. Glascott: Look, I know a lot of you are scared that the President is gonna snap, push a button, and incinerate us all, but I assure you, it will not happen.
Coach Mellor: When it does, I'll be safe and snug in my fallout shelter while the rest of you mutants scrounge for cockroaches.