Barry Quote #657
Barry: [rapping] Now, here's a little story about our dad He calls us morons when he gets real mad He doesn't wear pants, and he sits in a chair You know what I'm sayin'? Dads just don't care Oh-kay, here's the situation Our dad has a problem with flatulation He doesn't care about anything, for real I got an "A" on a test, and he said, "Big deal" He has no worries, he has no fears He hasn't seen a doctor in 15 years If we come to our dad and we need to cry He says, "You're ruining this episode of 'Magnum, P.I.' Can't you see I'm busy and don't wanna be bothered? Sometimes I ask God why he made me a father Now leave me alone and go upstairs" You know what I'm sayin'? Dads just don't care If you don't know our dad, hey, don't worry Last name Goldberg, first name Murray Most dads play catch and throw around a ball But our dad doesn't care about his kids at all.
Adam & Barry: M to the G berg! What a failure!
Quote from Murray
Murray: What kind of college has hard candies lying around?
Beverly: You don't know! There could be a lobby with a dish.
Murray: Are you watching that S.O.B. Phil Donahue again?
Beverly: He did an expose on choking hazards, Murray. Did you know that hard candy kills more people than smoking?
Murray: That gray-haired bastard. All he does is make you worry.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Here, try Bevy's secret hangover recipe.
Other Erica: Why does it smell like fish?
Beverly: That's the shrimp. It's the aspirin of the sea. Drink up.
Quote from Murray
Murray: You guys think I'm a bad dad?
Barry: Not you specifically. The song's called "Dads Just Don't Care", all dads.
Murray: You say my first and last name. You're literally shoving me into the garbage.
Barry: True, true. We did do that.
Adam: Come on, it's just a goof. We bust balls, we have fun. You get it.
Murray: Ha. I get it. And you know what? Go [bleep] yourself.
Murray: You guys think I nap because I'm lazy? No. I nap because I work my [bleep] fingers to the bone so you little [bleep] can have your dumb [bleep] tennis shoes and your expensive [bleep] cameras.
Andy: Uh I feel like we should go.
Murray: No, you little [bleep] need to hear this.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That day, my dad did the one thing every parent wishes they could do. He called his kids out for being spoiled and ungrateful, pulling no punches and speaking from the heart. For my dad, it was a taste of glory.
Murray: And if you remember one thing from this conversation, let it be this Hee-haw-hmm!