Barry: Dude, look at the laundry basket! Is that one of those impossible-to-fold sheets Mom was tricking us with?
Coach Mellor: You mean fitted? I've danced with a few.
Erica: They're perfect.
Barry: You folded them? How'd you find the corners?
Coach Mellor: You don't find the corners of the sheet. The corners find you.

Murray: Hey, morons. Let me get this straight. You two have officially decided to let your mom take care of you for the rest of your lives.
Barry: She seems very open to it.
Murray: Of course she is. How do you not see what she's doing after all this time?
Barry: Dude, do you think she gave us the impossible sheet on purpose?
Murray: Yes. She manipulates you into needing her week after week.
Erica: What are you talking about?
Murray: She made up a medical condition so she could have a sleepover with you in your dorm on your first night of college.
Erica: Well, that certainly is an example.

Coach Mellor: Well, you've come to the right efficiency apartment. My perpetual single-tude has given me an amazing array of domestic skills. Make yourselves at home in my living room/gym/sitting area/lanai. Brisket? I made that in my gentleman's Crock-Pot.
Geoff: So tender! It falls apart at fork's first touch. Also, how long are we gonna be here?