Mr. Glascott: Okay, everyone, welcome to "The Day After" emergency assembly. First of all, I just want to assure you that everything is gonna be okay.
Coach Mellor: It will not be okay! There's nowhere to hide in a nuclear winter!
Mr. Glascott: Whoa. (chuckles) What Coach means is that there could be a nuclear winter, but it definitely won't happen.
Coach Mellor: Till it does.
Mr. Glascott: Does not, because it was just a movie.
Coach Mellor: That will, for sure, come true.
Mr. Glascott: Look, I know a lot of you are scared that the President is gonna snap, push a button, and incinerate us all, but I assure you, it will not happen.
Coach Mellor: When it does, I'll be safe and snug in my fallout shelter while the rest of you mutants scrounge for cockroaches.

Murray: I told you you're not building a dopey bunker in the basement.
Barry: Thank you for keeping an open mind. I will also need money for the following items. "700 pounds of poured concrete, lifetime supply of potatoes, seven bottles of ketchup for the potatoes"
Murray: There's one in the fridge. Just take that and go.
Barry: There's more. We need, "a chicken, a cage for the chicken, medicine for the chicken, a chicken exercise-wheel, a lady chicken to keep the other chicken company."
Murray: Please stop asking me to build a life for this chicken!

Coach Mellor: What, you got no argument for that one?
Mr. Glascott: No, you're right. That movie has shaken me to my core. I have so many regrets.
Coach Mellor: You got about a week to fix 'em, Andre.
Mr. Glascott: Well, let's start with that one right there. My name is not Andre. I only said it was in college to make myself seem more interesting to the ladies.
Coach Mellor: Let it out.
Mr. Glascott: My name is Jonathan. And I love you, Lunch Lady Bernice! Are you out there? You're probably mashing potatoes.