Jackie: Cliff Notes? You told me you loved "Lord of the Rings."
Adam: I'm sorry, I tried to read it, but it's the longest book about the shortest people.

Barry: I can't believe it. My girlfriend just broke up with me.
Coach Mellor: I know. We all know. There were hundreds of your judgy peers watching.
Barry: What am I gonna do?
Coach Mellor: Come on. Bring it in for a two-person huddle. Let Coach give you a pep talk with his body.
Barry: [crying]
Coach Mellor: That's it. You soak that rayon shirt down with your boy tears until you feel the strength return.

Barry: Hello, Father. I come to you today with a life-and-death request.
Murray: Why do you look like a department-store pianist?
Barry: You're a department-store pianist! No! Sorry. Let me start over. As you know, next weekend is prom. It is literally guaranteed to be a night to remember. That's the theme, and I take it very seriously. That's why you will fully fund this venture.
Murray: Go away.
Barry: But you have yet to hear the extraordinary details. Me and Lainey begin the night crossing the Delaware River on a hot-air balloon.
Murray: Go.
Barry: Upon landing, 12 Clydesdales will pull our bejeweled carriage to school on a path of freshly cut white roses.
Murray: Get out of my face.
Barry: Tiki torches will light the way, as 100 bald eagles soar into the sky, each carrying a poem handwritten by a haiku expert. I'm begging you. That's when El DeBarge serenades us as we destroy the dance floor with our love.
Murray: I'm not paying for an El DeBarge.
Barry: This all can come true for a measly $22,000.
Murray: You are an insane person. You're not getting a penny.