Barry: Dad, we need to have an insanely important talk. And if you say, "Go to your mother," there will be serious consequences.
Murray: Not listening. Go to your mother.
Barry: Okay, you know how all the awesome stuff happens in New York and L.A. and Florida, but never here?
Murray: You do know that Philadelphia is the birthplace of our country, right?
Barry: Enough with your folk tales, old man!

Dave Kim: Just walk on over there and be like, "Yo, Waffles, remember me? Powdered sugar, sliced banana, side of sausage. Name's Adam Goldberg."
Adam: I can't say my name. It's too confusing. There's another Adam Goldberg in school. He's a senior. He told me in no uncertain terms that he's got dibs on the upper-class girls.
Dave Kim: Stop using the other Adam Goldberg as an excuse.

Evelyn Silver: You don't know which frat your boyfriend's in? Wait. Fast. What color are his eyes?
Erica: Breen.
Evelyn Silver: Breen? Oh, my God, are you George Glass-ing us?
Erica: George what? I mean, I don't even know what you're talking about.
Geoff: Come on. Erica, of all people, wouldn't need to make up a boyfriend.
Erica: Thank you, Geoff. I mean, I've never even seen "The Brady Bunch."
Geoff: Oh, you clearly just referenced the thing you said you didn't know, so now I feel sad for you.
Naked Rob: Me too.
Andy: It's all unraveling.
Evelyn Silver: Jordan Wahlberg! All you did was combine two names from New Kids on the Block! So cute.
Erica: It's not cute. It's real, and it's college, and breen is a color. It's brown mixed with green, so suck it.
Evelyn Silver: Well, I guess we'll believe it if and when we meet him.
Geoff: You know, my Nana says that sometimes wishing makes it so.
Erica: Your pity makes it worse.
Geoff: Agreed.