Adult Adam: [v.o.] Whether they did or they just happened to be in the store, they got to witness maybe the first-ever dramatic reading of a cookbook.
Beverly: "1/2 cup cream. Two sticks of butter, cubed. Toss into margarine until combined"!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And once my mom got going, she didn't want to stop...
Beverly: "Whisk gently with water until the clumps... have dissipated."
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...or stay totally on topic.
Beverly: You know, I like to think I do for Parm what Madam Curie did for, uh... well, whatever it is she did.
Erica: Should we be worried Mom won't handle all this attention in a positive way?
Murray: Nah. She'll be fine.
Beverly: I have a husband and three children, and yet, today, my life began!

Barry: Okay, book guy, buckle up, 'Cause I got a few ideas guaranteed to be best sellers.
Mr. Whitby: Wow me.
Barry: Think "The Shining," but instead of the hotel, it's the beach, and instead of ghosts, it's hot chicks.
Mr. Whitby: Okay.
Barry: You know how people like the Bible, right? What if there was a sequel?
Mr. Whitby: I'm an atheist.
Barry: Dracula, but a book.
Mr. Whitby: I have news for you.
Barry: A book of poems that's been hollowed out to hide nunchucks.
Mr. Whitby: My people will be in touch. And I'm far enough away now to tell you that that was a lie.

Adam: There they are. Well, welcome to party plan central.
Dave Kim: Is it too late to discuss alternate venues?
Adam: Yep. Let's plan this beast, keeping in mind we need this party to be cool and inviting to redheaded 17-year-old girls who I know play volleyball. I'll start. A volleyball.
Dave Kim: Here's something fun... BYOB, "bring your own broom."
Johnny: My turn. 50 kegs.
Brian Walls: Giant speakers that will blow out car windows.
JC Spink: A party donkey.
Carla: A no-rules foam room and a giant fish tank full of hammerheads.
Dave Kim: Disposable shoe covers, like at an open house.