Beverly: You think an umbrella stand made of pure antique brass is $50? No. Try $2,000. This commode is one-of-a-kind. I'll take no less than $6,802. This Victorian-style chandelier needs all-new wiring and bulbs and is $42,000 American. Chippendale-style slant front desk. It has my son Barry's name carved in it, which makes it $100,000 exactly. Semi-authentic Cherry Blossom privacy screen. I think 1.2 is fair, but I don't want to seem unrealistic, so 1.1. This golden red velvet couch is the aria of my personal furniture opera. I'll accept no less than $6.5 million. This is priceless.
Auctioneer: The display of dead owls is priceless?
Beverly: See, I bought them on my honeymoon in London, and you can't just bring things like this back into our country for disease-control reasons, so when I was at customs, I pretended to be a science teacher in need of them for my students.
Auctioneer: That can't possibly be true.
Beverly: That story is 100% real. Which is why this item is so special, one cannot put a monetary value on it.
Auctioneer: Let me take a stab. 60 bucks?
Beverly: I hear you, and I'm willing to go down to $40,000.

Barry: Since when do you walk or wear sneakers or participate in life?
Murray: Here's the deal. Every year after I see the doctor, your mom forces me to do some stupid new exercise fad.
Barry: Since when? I've never seen that.
Murray: Exactly! Right before we start working out, I bombard your mom with a year's worth of compliments.
Barry: So you don't compliment the lady all year long?
Murray: No, I save it all for this very moment. And it gets her all flustered and distracted, and that's when I ask her out for a big, fancy lobster dinner.
Barry: Why?
Murray: Your mom forgets all about exercising, and I get to dump ocean meat into hot butter.
Barry: But they list lobster as market price on the menu. You say they're vague on purpose to rip you off.
Murray: Oh, it's so worth it, man. I don't want to exercise.

Beverly: Time to shake it, Mustang Murray!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so my dad put his plan into action.
Murray: Go easy on me, because I'm not in perfect shape like you are.
Beverly: Me? [laughing] Oh, stop it.
Murray: Maybe it's just your beautiful new haircut?
Beverly: I didn't think you noticed.
Murray: How could I not? It looks like you're wearing a golden crown, which makes sense because you're my queen.
Beverly: And you are my big, grumbly king.
Murray: How about we head downtown to Bookbinders for a delicious lobster dinner?
Beverly: Well, I better get outta this spandex and put on my sparkliest sweater.
Murray: [to Barry] And that is how you never move your body.
Barry: You're not a very good life partner.
Murray: Thank you.