Adam Quote #463

Quote from Adam in Hogan Is My Grandfather

Auctioneer: Up next, from the Von Thurston estate is this abstract expressionist painting of unknown provenance. The bidding starts at $5,000.
Adam: $30,000!
Auctioneer: I have $30,000.
Pops: Whoa, pump the brakes, kiddo.
Adam: Don't worry. The whole point is to force these dopes to pay double for this ridiculous art.
Auctioneer: I have $30,000 going once.
Adam: I'm pretty sure that guy raised his hand.
Auctioneer: No.
Adam: No? You sure?
Auctioneer: I am sure. I have $30,000 going twice.
Adam: Come on, people! Look at that beautifully rendered depiction of despair or joy or horses. Who knows what it is, but just buy it, people.
Auctioneer: Sold to Mr. Skywalker and his associate, Dr. Zaius.
Pops: Run, Adam. Run and don't look back.

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 ‘Hogan Is My Grandfather’ Quotes

Quote from Coach Mellor

Barry: Dude, look at the laundry basket! Is that one of those impossible-to-fold sheets Mom was tricking us with?
Coach Mellor: You mean fitted? I've danced with a few.
Erica: They're perfect.
Barry: You folded them? How'd you find the corners?
Coach Mellor: You don't find the corners of the sheet. The corners find you.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Hey, morons. Let me get this straight. You two have officially decided to let your mom take care of you for the rest of your lives.
Barry: She seems very open to it.
Murray: Of course she is. How do you not see what she's doing after all this time?
Barry: Dude, do you think she gave us the impossible sheet on purpose?
Murray: Yes. She manipulates you into needing her week after week.
Erica: What are you talking about?
Murray: She made up a medical condition so she could have a sleepover with you in your dorm on your first night of college.
Erica: Well, that certainly is an example.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Well, you've come to the right efficiency apartment. My perpetual single-tude has given me an amazing array of domestic skills. Make yourselves at home in my living room/gym/sitting area/lanai. Brisket? I made that in my gentleman's Crock-Pot.
Geoff: So tender! It falls apart at fork's first touch. Also, how long are we gonna be here?