Erica Quote #169

Quote from Erica in I Heart Video Dating

John Calabasas: Excuse me, ladies. How would you like to meet the man of your dreams?
Lainey: Ew.
Erica: You're really old.
John Calabasas: Ouch. [chuckles] But, no, I'm talking about the romantic wave of the future Video dating. It's a real business. Using our advanced VHS technology and a one-time fee of $399, followed by lifetime monthly fees of only $19.99, anyone can now find love. So, which of you lonely hearts is looking for Mr.
Lainey: Well, I'm not, but [clears throat]
Erica: I am not a sad-sack loser. I choose to be alone, and it's the best.
John Calabasas: It is the best, isn't it? [chuckles] Well, that's too bad because for a limited time, anyone that joins the VD community gets a free tote bag for just $12.99.
Erica: I am not carrying around a bag that says, "I heart VD." My God.


 ‘I Heart Video Dating’ Quotes

Quote from Adam

Adam: I see it now. We open on a time portal as Mr. Lewis' cold, naked body spills to the Earth. He rises from the smoke like a Love Terminator.
Erica: Yeah, no nudity or time travel. Just make Mr. Lewis look cool. You know, macho.
Adam: We're making a picture! An Adam F. Goldberg joint.
Erica: What's with the "F"?
Adam: There's another Adam Goldberg at school. He's super-sensitive. I don't want to cause any marketplace confusion.
Erica: Don't worry about it. No one cares about either of you.

Quote from Beverly

Lainey: Dad, it's been four years since Mom left. Isn't it time you got set up with someone?
Beverly: Set up? Did somebody say "set up"? Who am I setting up?
Erica: No, stop. We don't need your help. Bill's gonna do video dating.
Beverly: Video dating? [chuckles] [robotic voice] Beep, boop, bop, zorp. Beep, boop, bop. I will find you love.
Erica: Sorry, but, uh, your way of matchmaking is a thing of the past.
Beverly: [normal voice] Please. I am literally responsible for setting up over 200 couples, which means I'm personally responsible for over 62,000 babies.
Erica: Yeah, that's not real math.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Hey, what are you doing?
Erica: Destroying this and starting over.
Adam: But I gave you exactly what you asked for: macho. Your dad was a shirtless cowboy, a sweaty cop, a leather-clad biker. Oh, I see it now.