Coach Mellor Quote #129
Barry: What are you doing here? I thought you were at billionaire oddball John du Pont's Foxcatcher Farm.
Coach Mellor: I was, but those dark woods hid more secrets than I'm willing to admit. But I turned that "L" into a "W" by quitting coaching forever.
Barry: But you were the one who always said winners never quit.
Adam: And you said the only cure for broken bones is jumping jacks, which is medically wrong, but inspiring, I guess.
Coach Mellor: Sorry, boys, but I've hung up my whistle... there. [whistle blows]
Quote from Coach Mellor
Barry: Enough talk about God's fickle nature. My pathetic-nerd brother needs someone to show him how to pickle.
Coach Mellor: It's true. I forgot how pathetic and nerdy he is.
Adam: I don't really think that's the main takeaway here.
Barry: Look at his spindly arms and toothpick legs.
Coach Mellor: His concave chest and that doughy neck.
Coach Nick: And his flat feet and sickly posture.
Barry: Spin around, Adam. Show us how sad the back of your body is.
Adam: Yeah, my instinct is to say no.
Coach Mellor: You know what? Seeing this tragic excuse for the human form in its full non-glory is just the kick in the two-button polyester shorts I needed. I'm back, baby!
Coach Nick: And someone else is back, too. Hello, old friend. [whistle blows] Follow me to greatness, boys.
Quote from Murray
Beverly: I'm sorry, Murray. You said you didn't want a party, and I didn't listen.
Murray: I- It wasn't that. It was perfect.
Beverly: You liked it?
Murray: Yeah, all those people, everything you did for me, I loved it.
Beverly: Then why are you in here?
Murray: [sighing] Oh, geez. Oh. My dad never cared about my birthday, so... I tried not to care. But tonight, I realized how much I missed.
Beverly: Oh, Murray.
Murray: Nah, it's a good thing. I may have not had a great dad or a great childhood, but I have a great wife and a great life now.
Beverly: Well, you know what the best part about this whole thing is?
Murray: I saw hoagies down there.
Beverly: You're a whole year younger than you thought you were.
Murray: And even better, I get an extra year with you.
Quote from Goldberg on The Goldbergs
Beverly: Can't you just get past it? He's your family.
Coach Mellor: You sound like Mama, God rest her soul.
Beverly: You mean..?
Coach Mellor: She died doing what she loved, though. Frog squats.
Beverly: Coach, does your brother have any idea what he's done to you?
Coach Mellor: That's what Mama asked me, right before she did that last ill-advised rep that sent her to the final cool-down in the sky. Oh, Mama, why'd you have to crush it so hard?
Quote from A Chorus Lie
Coach Mellor: Goldfarb! Wheel it in. Time for a private huddle. I'm going to put this delicately, kid. You smell like a gym sock's butt.
Adam: Uh, thanks.
Coach Mellor: You smell like a garlic diaper.
Coach Mellor: You smell like egg salad left in a humidifier.
Coach Mellor: I assume you don't notice because you live with that stink 24/7.
Adam: Oh no. I smell it.
Coach Mellor: There's half a Speed Stick in my desk. It's yours now. Be liberal with it. Coach is on your team, here. It's why I pulled you aside to avoid embarrassment.
Adam: I guess I would have preferred you pulled me aside just a little farther.