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30Quotes from ‘Muscles Mirsky’

The Goldbergs: Muscles Mirsky

115. Muscles Mirsky

Aired February 4, 2014

When Erica gets angry at Beverly's intrusions into her life, she asks her mother to give her more space and be trusting of her. When Beverly agrees to be more trusting, Erica sneaks off to a college frat party. Luckily for her, her mother is there to bail her out. Meanwhile, Adam's friendship with Emmy "Muscles" Mirsky is put to the test when Barry claims that men and women can never just be friends.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I'm not exaggerating! This is literally the worst decision any parent has made on this planet and any other planet capable of sustaining life.

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

Quote from Barry

Barry: This is such controversial bullcrap!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I picked up the phone by accident, but I heard everything.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: I mean, if you're gonna spy, at least try to stay awake.
Beverly: Well, in my defense, that was very boring.

Quote from Beverly

Barry: Lexy Bloom is just my lab partner. All we're gonna do is study. We're just friends.
Beverly: Okay. Then you can study right here at the table.
Barry: Here? How am I supposed to impress her with dad strolling around in his underpants?

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Aha, you are trying to get romantic with her. Of course I am! Romance pumps in my veins.
Barry: Haven't you heard my rap ballad about stone-cold grooving with a chick on a ferris wheel?
Beverly: I have. It was wonderful.

Quote from Adam

Emmy: Later, goose!
Adam: Whoa, I'm not goose. You're goose. I'm Maverick.
Emmy: Uh, wrong. I'm Maverick because I look super-cool in aviator glasses, which you can't wear because of your hilarious lazy eye.
Adam: My mom says I can get prescription shades, so you can suck it!

Quote from Adam

Adam: What are you doing?
Barry: Trying to make it romantic in here, like a French boudoir or Lee Majors' hot tub.
Adam: Why?
Barry: 'Cause Lexy Bloom can't step one foot into my room even though Emmy sleeps over in your room whenever her parents go out of town.
Adam: That's 'cause Emmy's not really a girl. She's like a sibling, except I like her.

Quote from Beverly

Barry: Please. It's just a matter of time before you two are making out.
Adam: Gross! We're just friends.
Barry: Dude, you're so clueless. Men and women can't be friends. That's a fact. It's in the encyclopaedia.
Look it up.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Hey! Enough! You two can argue anywhere you like, but "That's Incredible!" is on, and there's a one-legged model. I don't know how she's gonna walk the runway.
Beverly: Murray, I don't want to hear about your stupid TV show right now.
Murray: Stupid? Is it stupid that a baby can water ski? Is it stupid that someone taught rats to play basketball? No, that's not stupid. No, that's incredible!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Crack rock! Crack rock! (Sniffles) Erica's gonna take crack rocks.
Murray: Erica what?
Beverly: I read it in her diary. Not the decoy, but the real one. Her friends are participating in crack rock, and now Erica is also going to participate in crack rock.
Murray: Can't you just trust Erica enough to know that she's not gonna go out and eat crack with her friends?
Beverly: No! If my little baby so much as touches one piece of crack, then I have failed as a mother.
Murray: You usually say that for dramatic effect, but I agree with you on this one.

Quote from Erica

Beverly: Do you know what this is?
Erica: An egg.
Beverly: This is your brain. This is drugs. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?
Erica: Yeah, quite a few.

Quote from Pops

Adam: Pops! Oh, thank God. I need you, man. Really bad.
Pops: Ah, I know that desperate cry for help. Lady trouble?

Quote from Adam

Adam: I'm all messed up. Barry said Emmy and I have sexual tension. I don't know what that is, but I think I got it, and now things are totally weird.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Men and women can be friends. Take me, I got plenty. Gloria and Sheila and Mabel.
Adam: Wait, aren't all of those your ex-girlfriends?
Pops: Oh, yeah. Well, they started out as friends, but I guess- Wait, Rose Boykin. She's a friend.
Adam: So, you never once kissed her.
Pops: Once. Maybe twice. Maybe a lot more.

Quote from Adam

Adam: I have to go home now.
Emmy: This is your home.
Adam: Then you have to go home now.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Harry and Sally are lovers!
Pops: I'm pretty sure you're wrong about that.
Adam: Emmy and I just watched it.
Pops: And?
Adam: They end up together, sucking on each other's faces like moray eels.

Quote from Pops

Adam: Do I kiss her or not?
Pops: I don't know. You've asked the one question that men and women have debated since the dawn of time. Nobody knows. Nobody on this planet.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Oh, I see what you're trying to do. You want me to suggest that we go out and track her down so you can still look innocent. Well, it's not going to work.
Beverly: Your baby girl is at a college frat house wearing a thin layer of bedding.
Murray: Holy [beep]. Let's go!

Quote from Adam

Adam: We got to do this.
Emmy: Fine. I'll give you a stupid kiss for one second.
Adam: Three seconds.
Emmy: Eyes open.
Adam: Eyes closed.
Emmy: Lights on.
Adam: Dimmed.
Emmy: Don't touch my hair or face.
Adam: I'm not gonna touch you. Gross.
Emmy: Thank you.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: So, this is what happens when I trust you, huh? Guess who's disappointed now. If you were gonna guess me, you'd be right.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: You don't trust me and I keep doing untrustworthy things which makes you not trust me, and I'm so tired of it. When is this gonna be any different?
Beverly: Probably never. My mom used to do the same thing to me, and I swore I'd never do it to you, but here I am doing it. But look on the bright side, one day you'll have a daughter of your own not to trust.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Emmy, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I don't love you.
Emmy: You mean it?
Adam: Look. Sometimes, you meet a girl and you just know that she's the one. When you act like a wuss, she's the one that punches you hard. When you find a dead mouse, she's the one that helps you hide it under Barry's pillow. When you put too much confidence in a fart, she's the one that helps you bury your underpants in the woods behind the school. She's your friend. And you never, ever want to kiss her.
Emmy: Want to go get some worms?

Quote from Barry

Barry: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish setting the mood before Lexy arrives. [Whale noises from tape player] [sighs] Whale sounds. Ladies can't resist their haunting song. Look it up.
Adam: I think you need a new encyclopedia.


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