Beverly: No more TV. No more movies. No more Walkmans.
Murray: Gone! Gone! Tell him things, Bevy!
Beverly: Or G.I. Jims.
Murray: She's telling you!

Beverly: Check it. I just spent the last four hours creating brand new punishments to remind Adam we're in charge.
Murray: "No video games, no smiley pancakes, no pillow forts, no acting in school musicals"
Beverly: Strike that one. I can't deprive the world of his brilliance.

Adam: Balls! Oh, God, oh, balls! I can't believe we were robbed!
Beverly: We really were. Those robbers came in and robbed us real bad.
Adam: So they found all your jewelry?
Beverly: Uh, no, no. They, uh, mostly just focused on this room, but, uh they broke all your toys and your tiny "Donkey Kong" machine.
Adam: But why?
Beverly: Adam, these are bad people. Yes. Bad people. There's no point in trying to figure out why they did this.
Adam: [coins jingle] They left my piggy bank.
Murray: It's just loose change.
Adam: And Pops' coin collection?
Murray: I think they were just trying to send a message. And the message is, "Don't ask any more questions about this crime."

Adam: We got to call the police.
Murray: No. If you call the police, they said they'd come back and kill you.
Adam: What?!
Beverly: What?
Adam: You talked to them?
Murray: They left a note!
Adam: Where is it? That's evidence.
Murray: It was written in blood on the wall!

Adam: I don't want to live here anymore!
Beverly: You don't need to be scared. You are a sweet boy who wants to buy batteries for his father for Father's Day.
Adam: Wait. How do you know I was gonna buy batteries for Father's Day?
Beverly: The robbers said so. It was in their blood message scrawled above your bed. So troubling.
Murray: It was your mother's idea.

Erica: I can't believe this. We were supposed to be having the craziest week of our lives.
Barry: I know! I was finally gonna live out my number one dream of riding a sea turtle.

Johnny Atkins: So what'd the po-po snag you guys for?
Erica: [chuckles] You know, just, uh, typical Spring Break craziness. [laughs] We, um [quietly] stole a knish.
Carla: What'd you say?
Johnny Atkins: Can't hear you, bro.
Erica: Stole a kni-
Johnny Atkins: What?
Carla: Enunciate!
Erica: We stole a knish, okay?
Johnny Atkins: Like, from a wet T-shirt contest?
Barry: Nope. Just a regular ol' knish at a retirement home.
Carla: You stole from old people, dude? That's not cool. My step-dad's old.

Beverly: Here, Mama fixed your Donkey King game. Let's just move on. Whoa!
Murray: What the hell is that?
Adam: M- Money. Just normal, everyday money.
Beverly: Where did you get all of this?
Adam: See. Lucky ate your wallet. [stammering] No, no, no! It was Ed McMahon! He stopped by to tell me I'd won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes and gave me a big check, but I asked for it all in singles. No, no! Forget all that. I'm a stockbroker. No, wait! A CPA. No, wait! A male exotic dancer. Oh, God. I borrowed it from Dad, okay?
Murray: I didn't lend you that money!
Adam: I may have grabbed a dollar here and there for the past two years to save up for a DeLorean. You get it.

Beverly: I am very disappointed in your lies and deceit, mister! [to Murray] Oh, thank God! He's been robbing us blind! Our little baby is a thief.
Murray: He's as bad as the other morons! Maybe even worse.
Beverly: Now we have all our power back and I can go back to being a great mama again.
Murray: Whoo-hoo! I can yell at him again. [laughs] And I'm gonna yell at him but good.
Beverly: I know.

Barry: Hey, we woke up at five and booked a shuffleboard court. Who's ready to get hustled?
Erica: And I'm wearing a swim cap so I don't shed when we go for a non-splashy dip after.
Pops: Kiddo, you don't have to pretend to like this place on my account.
Erica: Look, we're sorry for what we said. You're not an altacocker.
Pops: Maybe I have slowed down a bit, but I don't want to hold you back. Go to the beach, have your MTV Spring Break.
Erica: It's not a Spring Break without you. Come on. Take my hand.
Pops: No, I'll just get in the way.
Barry: Okay, so you eat dinner super early and you called the SWAT team on our two-person knish party, but the Pops we know will always be the life of the party.
Pops: I always like a good party.