Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Geoff questioned his manliness, Principal Ball was about to man up.
Principal Ball: Quaker Warden! Just who I was looking for. Can I have you sign this without reading it?
Beverly: Resignation letter?
Principal Ball: As a gag. No, sign that now. It'll be a hoot.
Beverly: Why would I resign?
Principal Ball: Because you injured my entire staff, and I want to stop this before you kill someone?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom refused to quit, the Mr. Ships Ahoy pageant was just getting started. And most of that talent revolved around muscles. Really big muscles.
Barry: When I get up there, these ladies won't know what hit them. Hopefully not these knives.
Geoff: Wait, what is your talent?
Jean Jacobs: Up next, Barry Goldberg!
Barry: Ladies! I need a volunteer. [silence] Okay, your loss. [throws knife] Really should have practiced this. [chuckles] [man grunts in pain]

Geoff: Come to wish me luck?
Erica: For sure. But, you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
Geoff: I'm a finalist and you still don't believe in me?
Erica: Geoff, I always believe in you. I just don't want you to pull a Barry and embarrass yourself trying to be something you're not.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so, Geoff went out to prove he could be Mr. Ships Ahoy. [Geoff plays saxophone] And he was actually pretty great. Until this happened. [hunky finalists walk on stage] I guess it's not about the music.
Erica: Geoff, I don't know why you care what these people think of you.
Geoff: It's not about them. It's about you. I want you to see other people impressed by me.
Erica: But why?
Geoff: 'Cause I know you see me as a nice guy, and that's great, but I want to be more than that. I want to be a catch.
Erica: You are a catch.
Geoff: They don't think so. [man dances around Geoff] Not now, Colton!

Beverly: Oh. Teacher surprise! I made over the teachers' lounge.
Mr. Woodburn: Holy crap! Granola bars!
Coach Nick: Protein shakes!
Andrea: Kitten mugs!
Mr. Glascott: A sink that doesn't scald me.
Beverly: And check this out. No more student break-ins. [chuckles] That's odd. It's locked.
Mr. Perott: Well, don't you have the code?
Beverly: Of course I have the code. It's in my purse... in the car.
Mr. Woodburn: Oh, God, she's trapped us in here for some new team-building activity, but when it goes sour, we're gonna eat each other like that soccer plane in the Andes!
Coach Nick: Coach Nick is not on the menu!
Beverly: Nobody is eating anybody. It's just a lock. I just tried to do a nice thing.
Andrea: I like this mug.
Mr. Glascott: Bup! Mrs. Goldberg, you have been our worst enemy for a decade. This teachers' lounge is mainly for complaining about you.
Beverly: I see. Does everyone feel this way?
All: Eh...
Principal Ball: [enters] Am I interrupting something?
Beverly: I guess not.
Principal Ball: Ooh, granola bars!

Jean Jacobs: So, Geoff, what makes you the ideal Mr. Ships Ahoy?
Geoff: I don't know. Nothing, I guess?
Jean Jacobs: Moving on. If you were Mr. Ships Ahoy, what would your catchphrase be?
Geoff: Thanks for settling?

Adam: Why are you eating here instead of the teachers' lounge?
Beverly: Because I'm no longer welcome there. Or this school. I'll do what you want. I'll resign.
Adam: You're quitting? You've never quit anything. What happened?
Beverly: What happened is I tried to make friends with the teachers, but they only see me as the enemy.
Adam: Maybe with a little more time...
Beverly: Adam, it's over. I guess I fought so hard for you, it ended up costing me.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After years of my mom marching down to the school to have my back, it was time to do the same for her. By going somewhere I'd never dared to go before.
Mr. Glascott: Kitty in the lounge! Meow! Meow!
Adam: You guys call me "Kitty"?
Mr. Perott: We call all students "kitties."
Helen: Not that one senior with the mustache. I call him something else.
Mr. Glascott: What are you doing in here, Adam?
Adam: I'll tell you what I'm doing in here... You suck.
Mr. Woodburn: Excuse you?
Mr. Perott: Not okay!
Coach Nick: Now you're on special teams, too!
Adam: Fail me if you want, but you already failed my mom.
Mr. Woodburn: We failed her? I pulled my groin at her field day! That's my best feature.
Adam: Look, I know she's been hard on you guys in the past, but you've never had her on your side before. Look what she did to your lounge.
Coach Nick: It is a soothing oasis in the midst of our chaotic world.
Adam: If there's one thing you learned about my mom over the years, she never gives up. Give her a chance. She'll be the best ally you've ever had.

Beverly: I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. Um, you don't have to defend me, Adam. Life is not like TV shows. Sometimes, coworkers just don't become friends.
Mr. Glascott: But sometimes, they do. Adam's right. We never gave you a shot.
Mr. Woodburn: And I hate to admit it, but your constant badgering over the years has made me a better teacher.
Andrea: And I'm new, so agreeing with everyone else seems like my only option.
Mr. Perott: So... fresh start?
Beverly: I'd like that. Beverly Goldberg, new Quaker Warden.
Mr. Glascott: John Glascott, guidance counselor.
Adam: This is nice.
Beverly: Yes, it is. Now get out of the lounge. It's for teachers only.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Changing the way people see us can be a full-time job. So is changing the way we see ourselves. But it isn't hard work for the people we love to see who we really are. At the end of the day, when we're comfortable just being ourselves, there's nothing sweeter.