Adult Adam: [v.o.] Even though Earl Ball wanted us to lose, I'd use my favorite sports movie to help us win.
Adam: Okay, our Major League journey from underdog scrubs to skilled champions begins with one thing. Meet Jobu, the idol that Pedro Cerrano prays to that helps you hit the curve ball.
Matt: Uh, bro? That doll seems a little super insensitive.
Adam: He's hilarious in the movie, but presenting it now just makes me feel kinda weird.
Matt: Yeah, I'd- I'd put it away.

Jesse Wudders: Okay, we're gonna lose.
Adam: Not if we have a sexy incentive for us to win.
Andy: Aw, yeah, like in the movie. Whenever the Indians would win, they would remove a sliver of clothing from a cardboard cutout of the team's super hot yet evil owner.
Adam: Which is why I made a cardboard cutout of our nemesis, school principal and avid swimmer, Earl Ball. [all groan] Relax. We're only gonna take a piece off when we don't win.
Naked Rob: This team shall never lose again.
Matt: We can't let it happen, guys.
Andy: For sure! But also, where did you get that picture?

Adam: Finally, we have to band together and address each of our weaknesses. Like in the movie when the team had to convince Wild Thing to wear glasses.
Barry: Bro, I think someone would know if they needed glasses.
Matt: Not to be this guy, but we're all painfully aware that you're super nearsighted but refuse to acknowledge it.
Barry: I can see just fine. I'll prove it. I'll read your shirt. "Spice Inventors."
All: No.
Barry: "Spork Investors"?
All: No.
Barry: "Shark Incisors"?
All: No.
Barry: "Snake Inhalers." Yeah?
All: Nope.
Barry: "Spanish Inquisition"?
All: No, that's-
Barry: "Saint Ignatius"?
Naked Rob: What?
Matt: How have you made it this far?
Barry: "Spare Bedroom"?
Adam: No.
Barry: "Spanakopita"?
Dave Kim: Here. I'm nearsighted, too.
Barry: Oh, it's "Space Invaders." That makes sense.
Naked Rob: So you're finally admitting to yourself that you need glasses?
Barry: I've always known! I can't believe you all knew and never cared enough to tell me. [crushes Dave Kim's glasses]
Dave Kim: Why?
Barry: I'll get us each a new pair.

Erica: Thank you, Dr.Schwartz, for joining us today in your home. We've all heard some murmurs that I'm not good enough for Geoff.
Lou Schwartz: What's happening right now?
Erica: You may think you know the whole story of Geoff and Erica, but do you really know Geoff and Erica?
Lou Schwartz: Yes.
Erica: But I think once you see my presentation, you'll see that I'm the perfect girl for Geoff. [music plays] Long before I was a free spirit who treated life as one big party, I actually used to be a doofy bookworm who went to bed by 9:00, just like Geoff here.
Lou Schwartz: So you think my son is a doof?
Erica: Uh, Geoff, you wanna maybe jump in here and talk about our love?

Geoff: Erica's a great influence on me.
Lou Schwartz: Are you drinking a beer?
Geoff: Moving on. Look. Last week, she took me mini golfing for half-price Tuesdays.
Lou Schwartz: But Tuesday's a school day.
Geoff: Moving on. See, Erica's really thoughtful, Dad. She threw me a surprise party, and it was the best night of my life.
Lou Schwartz: Is that my living room? Did you throw a party when I was in Miami?
Geoff: Erica, please take over again.
Lou Schwartz: No! I've had enough. This just confirms what I already knew. You may love my son, but it doesn't mean you're good for him.
Erica: I'm [bleep].

Adam: This is bad. Ball knows we know he's Major Leagueingus and that we're Major Leagueing him back.
Barry: I'm confused, but ready to act with anger.

Erica: Gah! Geoff, what are you doing?
Geoff: I'll stop at nothing to see you!
Erica: That's sweet, but you could've just used the front door. It's your dad who doesn't want us together.
Geoff: Oh, God, I'm so upset I'm not thinking straight.

Erica: Relax. You're forgetting that I have parents, too. And once Beverly Goldberg hears that your dad called her baby girl a bad influence, she'll unleash such unbridled fury that your dad will wish he was in that car.
[cut to:]
Beverly: Yeah, not my place.
Erica: Not your place? Everywhere's your place! You have no boundaries!
Beverly: Schmoo, how do I put this delicately?
Murray: We agree with Lou. You're a horrible influence on the boy.
Erica: What? You're supposed to be on my side.
Beverly: Oh, how do I put this delicately?
Murray: Geoff is a college-bound future doctor. You're a drop-out liar who can't even hold a job.
Erica: Would you just let her put it delicately one time?

Beverly: Look, Erica, we don't think you're not good enough for Geoff. It's just that, right now, it seems Geoff is too good for you.
Erica: Thank you, Mom. Wait. That's exactly the same thing. You just said it in a nicer tone.

Barry: Oh, I'm alive. And I'm sick of being a joke. I'm gonna get revenge for you, and every other four-eyed nerd out there.