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47Quotes from ‘Jimmy 5 is Alive’

The Goldbergs: Jimmy 5 is Alive

303. Jimmy 5 is Alive

Aired October 7, 2015

Murray attempts to help Adam transition into adulthood by building a robot, but their creative differences drive them apart, the opposite of what Murray was trying to achieve. Meanwhile, Barry makes a huge mistake when he accidentally tapes over Beverly's beloved video of his 5th birthday party.

Quote from Geoff

Erica: Dude, did you tape over your fifth birthday party?
Barry: That could have been anyone's parents.
Geoff: No, I remember that party. Your mom gave me a haircut because she said mine did a bad job.

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Quote from Murray

Adam: Oh, like your hobbies are so great. The weather? Feh.
Murray: Don't feh the weather. It can make or break us. Just ask those poor bastards down tornado alley.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Goodbye, R2 and 3PO. I guess you were not the droids I was looking for.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Look, you're not a little kid any more. You got to stop with these toys and the fantasies, and the robits.
Adam: It's robot! Why won't you say it the right way? Say robot.
Murray: I am! Robit.
Adam: Ro-bot.
Murray: Ro-bit.
Adam: Ro-bot.
Murray: Ro-bit.
Adam: RO-BOT!

Quote from Barry

Barry: What's up, B-Ball fans? Big Tasty coming to you live from the drive. Rumor has it you like dunks. Well, I call this one slam, jam, thank you, man. Honey, I dunked the kid. Good morning, Viet-slam. Call me Jean Claude Van-Jam.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Why is the robit lounging on a raft? That thing weighs a ton, it makes no sense.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: What are we looking at here, Goldberg?
Barry: I taped over my fifth birthday party. My mom will never forgive me if I can't get her tape back. You're the A.V. Club advisor, help me.
Coach Mellor: Well, it's more of a ceremonial title. I just get to keep the key to the A.V. closet on my belt, and mostly I just hand the key off to that weird kid with the Muppet voice.
Barry: My brother?
Coach Mellor: That's him. Muppet boy.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Barry: So is it possible? Can we unfilm what I taped over?
Coach Mellor: Absolutely. All we gotta do is pop that tape into the VCR, hit record and rewind at the same time, and it will unrecord the top layer of video.
Barry: Duh. The answer was infront of me the whole time.
Coach Mellor: To the nerd whole!

Quote from Beverly

Erica: Mom's a mess.
Beverly: I have failed as a mother.
Erica: I can't take it, Barry.
Beverly: As a woman.
Erica: Either you tell her-
Beverly: and as a human person.
Erica: -or I will.
Beverly: This is all your fault, Phil Donahue. You gorgeous, white-haired bastard.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Look at her. She's even lost her will to jazzercise.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I searched through all our old tapes and cut together all of Beverly Goldberg's awesome moments as a mom. I call it a momtage.
Erica: I don't understand.
Barry: See, I took the word mom and mushed it into the word montage, which is Spanish for the word honesty.

Quote from Murray

Adam: I'll go build this robot right now to show you anything's possible.
Murray: You're gonna go build a time-traveling robot in your room just to spite me?
Adam: Yes, and he will walk, and talk, and be the father that you can only hope to be.
Murray: At this point, I'm very open to a metal man coming down here and taking some of this off my plate.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I've spent the past decade planning to be a basketball legend and rap star. Now I'm just going to be some lowly rap mogul? That can't be the life you want for me.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Hey, what are the rules?
Adam: Don't come in your room. Don't touch your crap. And don't come in your room to touch your crap.
Erica: And right now you're breaking all of them. Get out.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: Barry, wait.
Barry: Mom, I'm going to school because I have to actually learn stuff now, because I'm not getting drafted by the Sixers next month.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I like that you've got a big imagination and you like all that crazy time travel stuff.
Adam: You do?
Murray: Yeah. It's what makes you, you. And I wouldn't want to change that. Maybe a little. You're a weird kid.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: See, you're so much more than basketball, honey. You are amazingly talented at so many amazing things.
Barry: I am good at basically everything.

Quote from Barry

Barry: So, does this mean you forgive me for ruining your tapes?
Beverly: Of course. Look, I know it's crazy how much I love them, but they just remind me of a time when you still needed me.
Barry: Mom, look at all the stuff you do for me. Everything I am is because of you. I'll always need you.

Quote from Erica

Erica: This is the worst thing I've ever seen, and I see my Dad in his underpants every day.

Quote from Barry

Barry: But we're only half-way through watching my jam-pilation, "The Extrava-jam-za".

Quote from Erica

Erica: Yeah, this has been amazing. You know, a Saturday really well spent. But I am going to go do anything else.

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was October 7th, 1980-something, and my dad was engaged in his favorite hobby. Watching the Weather Channel. Back then, there were only five channels to watch. With the invention of this exciting network, dads were hooked.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Ooh, my knee is acting up. Bet it's gonna rain.
Murray: (derisory chuckle) This guy thinks it's gonna rain today with 5% humidity.
Pops: I liked you better when you hated everything.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Okay, here's the deal. You're looking at a sentient robot named Jonny 5 from the hit movie Short Circuit, and the less critically-acclaimed Short Circuit 2.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Third graders, out. You're of no use to me until you develop adult bodies and can play something beside tag.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Hi, love nuggets. Oh, your fifth birthday, I remember every single moment.
Andy: We should go.
Beverly: No, no, stay. Let's all watch the best time in my life when you were my little schmoo and you used to give momma endless huggies.
Erica: You heard momma. Play the tape.
Barry: Why watch a video when you can get a real huggie right now?
Beverly: For real?
Barry: Get in here, you.
Beverly: Oh, ain't this the best?
Barry: Totally. I can really feel your whole body against mine.
Beverly: Oh, my baby's so big and squishy!
Barry: (mouths) Help me!

Quote from Adam

Adam: The point is, the hobby shop is selling a limited edition kit to build a mini replica Jonny 5 and I need money.
Murray: You do realize I'm going to say no, right?
Adam: I do know that, yes. And that's why I'm going to call this a learning-based project and ask you to build it with me.
Murray: Do not do that. Do not call it a learning-based project.
Adam: Then give me the money. I won't involve Mom and then we can each go our separate ways.
Murray. Done. How much?
Adam: Ninety-six bucks.
Murray: I'm going to ask you to go away now.
Adam: Mom, I have a learning-based project Dad won't get involved in.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: What is this about a learning-based project? I like the sound of that.
Adam: I wanna build a robot with Dad, but he doesn't want to do it with me.
Beverly: Murray, it's a learning-based project!
Adam: Momma, why won't he let me learn stuff?
Beverly: It's a learning-based project!
Murray: The thing costs a hundred bucks.
Beverly: Tell you what. Instead of going to the store and buying a bunch of robot parts, Dad will help you build one from junk around the house.
Adam: Oh no, what have I done?
Murray: I was literally just sitting here.
Beverly: Zip it. Zip it. I've made up my mind. You two are building a robot and that's final. Yay, learning-based project!
Adam: Yeah, I'm a putz.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Barry: No, why didn't it work?
Coach Mellor: Because nobody really knows how VHS technology works. It's a mystery science can't solve. Looks like your only choice is to come clean.
Barry: Or, I double down and keep lying.
Coach Mellor: I lied on a job application once. Said I was proficient in the audio-visual arts. Now here we are.
So the lesson is-
Barry: Don't lie.
Coach Mellor: Unless it gets you an extry sixty bucks a week and a buttload of extension cords. I feel good about today.

Quote from Barry

Beverly: I just don't understand how I could be so careless.
Barry: Don't beat yourself up too bad. I mean, yeah it's an unforgivable mistake, but one day I'll recover.
Beverly: But I won't. Those were the first moving images of my precious love monkeys. Lost, for ever.

Quote from Beverly

Barry: The good news is she will forget about this in a few days.
Beverly: I will never forget about this.
Barry: Or a few week.s
Beverly: Never.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Okay, brainstorming session. Murray, now that you've been forced to build a robo-man, you get to delight in Adam's favorite hobby.

Quote from Murray

Murray: I was about to delight in the Weather Channel. They got a new ticker at the bottom of the screen. It's always moving.

Quote from Pops

Pops: No, come on. Tell me what this metal sucker should look like. Get the ball rolling. Mur-man.

Quote from Murray

Murray: It could have a button.
Pops: Good. A button. Way to go there, big guy. Adam, your turn.
Adam: It should definitely have a Back to the Future-style flux capacitor for time travel.
Murray: Don't write that down. No time travel. That's not a thing.
Pops: There are no bad ideas in brainstorming.

Quote from Adam

Pops: What else you got?
Murray: I don't know. Maybe like a pointy hand that can poke stuff?
Adam: An Ion-based magma cannon.
Murray: A hat.
Adam: A combat-ready cloaking device.
Murray: Metal feet.
Adam: We should also give it emotions and a sense of humor.
Murray: No! Don't write that down.
Adam: Ever heard of Short Circuit? Once we get it struck by lightening, it'll be alive just like Jonny Five.
Murray: That was a movie.

Quote from Adam

Pops: For the sake of argument, let's entertain the notion that this robot can have anything we want it to have.
Adam: That's what I'm trying to do, bro. But unless this robot can give weather advisories, my father ain't getting on board.

Quote from Pops

Murray: A Weather robit? Now that actually makes sense. I want this thing to have a Snow Plow.
Adam: And inter-dimensional portals.
Pops: Now we're cooking wtih gas.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Why can't you trust me that for once I made things better?
Erica: That's why! Because you taped over another priceless memory.
Barry: Chill, I can fix this with another momtage.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Here's our robot in killer cyborg form. Here he is shooting a laser-guided fist.
Murray: And here he is using a doppler radar to predict black ice. Ooh-hoo! Can you image?

Quote from Murray

Adam: You fool. My robot is made out of indestructible Adamantium and has a drill that can dig into the core of the Earth and change your precious weather patterns.
Murray: I should never have agreed to the drill. I was on the fence about it and now you're using it against me? My own son!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Hi, ma. You can unload those groceries by yourself later. Right now, we need to talk.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: You did it, and then made me turn against Phil Donohue?

Quote from Beverly

Barry: So you lost a few irreplcable memories, but think about what you gained. An explosive jam-pilation of my sweetest rim encounters.
Beverly: You think I'd rather have a video of you jam-dunking on some low rim? Seriously?
Barry: Low? That's NBA regulation.
Beverly: It's not. I just told you that to make you feel good about yourself.

Quote from Geoff

Andy: It's low, bro.
Naked Rob: That thing's tiny.
Geoff: It's not regulation at all.

Quote from Barry

Barry: But you forgot to mention my frisbee skills and how easily I can make friends with horses.


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