Barry: What? I didn't even do anything.
Beverly: Adam says you're gonna haze and humiliate him at school?
Barry: Oh, that. Yeah, that's happening.
Beverly: Like heck it is. You lay one finger on my baby-
Barry: You mean the pubescent monster standing next to you? Take a look at him, Ma. He's all grown up now.
Beverly: That is not the, uh- No, that's not- Is this true?
Adam: No! Look at me! Actually, don't. Uh, close your eyes and imagine me from last year.
Beverly: Oh, my God! He's right. My baby is going to high school.
Adam: No! Stop reeling at the passage of time! Protect me!
Beverly: Your voice. I'm just now hearing it for the first time. It's like the last gasp of an old helium balloon.

Principal Ball: I call your name, and then you go up and get the piece of paper. But no showboating, no speeches, and no doing the worm, Dave Kim. I am onto you.
Dave Kim: This is America, man.

Adam: Okay, as you know, you've been mocking my changing voice for this entire year. But now that I'm going to high school, it's time for you to get out all your insults here and now so we can bring this hurtful chapter to a close.
Barry: You sound like a harmonica in a dryer.
Erica: You sound like the child of Louis Armstrong and Harvey Fierstein.
Barry: You sound like the Tin Man before he was oiled.
Erica: You sound like a witch gave a frog a voice.
Beverly: Stop it! His voice is perfect. He sounds like a beautiful angel with an undescended testicle.
Adam: I regret this.

Adam: Hey, Big Tasty, we need to talk.
Barry: Whatever. Just stay away. Not that I'm scared of you, but, please, don't put hands on me.
Adam: Come on, dude, we both know the only reason I could body-slam you was the summer solstice.
Barry: Summer what?
Adam: You know, the one day a year when the moon is closest to the earth, which means there's less gravity?
Barry: There is?
Adam: Yes. That's how a nerd like me suddenly had super strength. It's science.
Barry: Science, you say? Like the kind with scientists?
Adam: Oh, sure! With white lab coats and clipboards and safety goggles.
Barry: Beakers?
Adam: Tons of beakers, yeah.
Barry: They hold them upto the light and nod?
Adam: How else would they see the chemicals?
Barry: I knew there was no way that happened for real.

Coach Mellor: Okay, your calculus teacher called in sick. Wish I'd have thought of it. So we're gonna watch a math-based movie "Cannonball Run II."
Erica: How is that a math movie?
Coach Mellor: "II." It's got a number in it. Math.

Erica: What is this? You look insane.
Beverly: You haven't by chance seen a baby blanket? Uh, blue, soft, precious beyond measure. You know, a standard blankie?
Erica: You mean that gross, blue rag that smells like chickenpox and nightmare sweat?
Beverly: You shut your face-mouth! But, yes, that's the one.

Coach Mellor: All right, stop your stretching. We're gonna watch the movie "Bloodsport".
Erica: Not that I'm complaining, but isn't that, like, wildly inappropriate and has nothing to do with gym class?
Coach Mellor: "Sports" are in the title. Leave me alone. I got nothing left to give you kids! You did this to me!

Adam: Mama! Barry's gonna hurt me!
Beverly: I'm here, Schmoo.
Adam: He's gonna hunt me down and throw me into the gross gym showers!
Beverly: No!
Adam: Yes!
Beverly: No!
Adam: And then he's gonna rip my shoes off and make me touch the floor without flip-flops!
Beverly: You're not athletic enough to get athlete's foot!
Adam: Help me! I'm just a boy!

Geoff: Do you think she meant it like "Have a summer" or "Have a summer"?
Naked Rob: Dude, you got to let this go.
Andy: Yeah, don't be such a Duckie.
Geoff: Such a what?
Barry: Duckie, the twerpy, lovesick best friend who never gets Molly Ringwald. That's you, bro.
Geoff: Pfft! Please! If I'm anyone from "Pretty in Pink", it's feather-haired bad boy James Spader.
Andy: That is delusional.
Naked Rob: Get to know yourself, bro.

Beverly: Geoffrey, Andrew, Robert, I need to speak to my child.
Geoff: She's using our proper first names.
Naked Rob: Move it.
Andy: It's scary 'cause she said "Andrew."