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32Quotes from ‘Have a Summer’

The Goldbergs: Have a Summer

324. Have a Summer

Aired May 18, 2016

Adam turns the tables on Barry during a high school hazing ritual. Meanwhile, Beverly is upset about Erica's priceless contribution to a time capsule.

Quote from Beverly

Barry: What? I didn't even do anything.
Beverly: Adam says you're gonna haze and humiliate him at school?
Barry: Oh, that. Yeah, that's happening.
Beverly: Like heck it is. You lay one finger on my baby-
Barry: You mean the pubescent monster standing next to you? Take a look at him, Ma. He's all grown up now.
Beverly: That is not the, uh- No, that's not- Is this true?
Adam: No! Look at me! Actually, don't. Uh, close your eyes and imagine me from last year.
Beverly: Oh, my God! He's right. My baby is going to high school.
Adam: No! Stop reeling at the passage of time! Protect me!
Beverly: Your voice. I'm just now hearing it for the first time. It's like the last gasp of an old helium balloon.

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Quote from Dave Kim

Principal Ball: I call your name, and then you go up and get the piece of paper. But no showboating, no speeches, and no doing the worm, Dave Kim. I am onto you.
Dave Kim: This is America, man.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Okay, as you know, you've been mocking my changing voice for this entire year. But now that I'm going to high school, it's time for you to get out all your insults here and now so we can bring this hurtful chapter to a close.
Barry: You sound like a harmonica in a dryer.
Erica: You sound like the child of Louis Armstrong and Harvey Fierstein.
Barry: You sound like the Tin Man before he was oiled.
Erica: You sound like a witch gave a frog a voice.
Beverly: Stop it! His voice is perfect. He sounds like a beautiful angel with an undescended testicle.
Adam: I regret this.

Quote from Adam

Adam: Hey, Big Tasty, we need to talk.
Barry: Whatever. Just stay away. Not that I'm scared of you, but, please, don't put hands on me.
Adam: Come on, dude, we both know the only reason I could body-slam you was the summer solstice.
Barry: Summer what?
Adam: You know, the one day a year when the moon is closest to the earth, which means there's less gravity?
Barry: There is?
Adam: Yes. That's how a nerd like me suddenly had super strength. It's science.
Barry: Science, you say? Like the kind with scientists?
Adam: Oh, sure! With white lab coats and clipboards and safety goggles.
Barry: Beakers?
Adam: Tons of beakers, yeah.
Barry: They hold them upto the light and nod?
Adam: How else would they see the chemicals?
Barry: I knew there was no way that happened for real.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Okay, your calculus teacher called in sick. Wish I'd have thought of it. So we're gonna watch a math-based movie "Cannonball Run II."
Erica: How is that a math movie?
Coach Mellor: "II." It's got a number in it. Math.

Quote from Beverly

Erica: What is this? You look insane.
Beverly: You haven't by chance seen a baby blanket? Uh, blue, soft, precious beyond measure. You know, a standard blankie?
Erica: You mean that gross, blue rag that smells like chickenpox and nightmare sweat?
Beverly: You shut your face-mouth! But, yes, that's the one.

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: All right, stop your stretching. We're gonna watch the movie "Bloodsport".
Erica: Not that I'm complaining, but isn't that, like, wildly inappropriate and has nothing to do with gym class?
Coach Mellor: "Sports" are in the title. Leave me alone. I got nothing left to give you kids! You did this to me!

Quote from Adam

Adam: Mama! Barry's gonna hurt me!
Beverly: I'm here, Schmoo.
Adam: He's gonna hunt me down and throw me into the gross gym showers!
Beverly: No!
Adam: Yes!
Beverly: No!
Adam: And then he's gonna rip my shoes off and make me touch the floor without flip-flops!
Beverly: You're not athletic enough to get athlete's foot!
Adam: Help me! I'm just a boy!

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Do you think she meant it like "Have a summer" or "Have a summer"?
Naked Rob: Dude, you got to let this go.
Andy: Yeah, don't be such a Duckie.
Geoff: Such a what?
Barry: Duckie, the twerpy, lovesick best friend who never gets Molly Ringwald. That's you, bro.
Geoff: Pfft! Please! If I'm anyone from "Pretty in Pink", it's feather-haired bad boy James Spader.
Andy: That is delusional.
Naked Rob: Get to know yourself, bro.

Quote from Andy

Barry: Geoffrey, Andrew, Robert, I need to speak to my child.
Geoff: She's using our proper first names.
Naked Rob: Move it.
Andy: It's scary 'cause she said "Andrew."

Quote from Barry

Barry: Oh, yes. I just broke Mom's spirit, so now I can shower you. Get ready, bro. Shhhhhhhhhhh.
Adam: Why are you shushing me?
Barry: That's not a shush. That's a shower sound.
Adam: What are you talking about? This is a shower sound. Kwwwwwwwhhhhh!
Barry: That's the ocean, bro. A shower sounds like this. Shhhhhh!
Adam: You're making a fool out of yourself! Listen to me. Listen. Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh!
Barry: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Adam: Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh!
Barry: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Adam: Kwwwwaaahhhhhhh!
Barry: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Quote from Murray

Pops: Mur? Your wife is sitting in the broom closet, sniffing a baby blanket.
Murray: That's her thing. She sits in there and sniffs them to remind her of when our children were babies and not the worst.
Pops: And that doesn't bother you?
Murray: What do I know? I'm just the husband.

Quote from Beverly

Murray: Bevy, I know it's hard with Adam going into high school, but you can't hide here in the closet forever.
Beverly: [Sighs] You're right. Just- Just take this thing and put it where I can never find it. It's time to let go.
Murray: It doesn't appear like you are.
Beverly: I'm letting go.
Murray: I shouldn't have to struggle like this.
Beverly: Set me free.
Murray: Al! Will you help me?! She's got superhuman strength!
Beverly: Take it! I'm handing it over.
Pops: She's got the forearms of a tennis pro.
Beverly: Take the blankie.
Murray: Put your back into it.
Beverly: Cure me of my sickness.

Quote from Dave Kim

Dave Kim: No! Wait! No showers! My turtlenecks shrink when they get we-e-t!

Quote from Geoff

Erica: Mr. Coach Mellor, can I go to the bathroom?
Geoff: [Whispering] Hey, why are you going to the bathroom with a shovel? Oh, is this a lady thing?

Quote from Beverly

Murray: Are you kidding me?! 600 bucks for a broken pipe?!
Beverly: Well the headline here is, I saved Blankie. Sure, it's lost its Adam smell, but I'll just recharge it.
Murray: You can't recharge a blanket.
Beverly: Ho-ho! You bet I can! I'll just sneak it into his pillowcase or mix it in his hamper like a stew.
Murray: Don't do that. Don't make a hamper stew.

Quote from Dave Kim

Dave Kim: No! This is my graduation turtleneck!

Quote from Erica

Erica: Damn it, I like stupid Geoff Schwartz.


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