Beverly: See, I've been scrapbooking our family for over 20 years. And not only do you refuse to be in any of the photos, the few times you are, you look like this.
Murray: What? That's how I look. That's my face.
Beverly: You don't value any memories. So you are gonna sit here and look at all these books until you prove to me that you care about our meaningful moments.
Murray: Bevy, this is how I was raised. We don't make a fuss. Doesn't mean I don't pay attention. It's all up here in my brain.
Beverly: Oh, please.
Murray: This noggin is the world's greatest scrapbook.
Beverly: Which baby is this?
Murray: Uh... The moron.
Beverly: Which moron?
Murray: Eri-baaaarry-aaaadam.

Barry: What am I looking at?
Adam: Oh, I'm just chilling in my Flyers shirt, eating Boo Berry, watching Jean-Claude Van Damme. You know, classic me stuff.
Barry: That is not classic you, it's classic me.
Adam: Too bad you didn't call it. I mean, you gave me a specific list, and none of this stuff was on it.
Barry: Everyone knows I own spooky cereal, Flyers gear, and JC Van D. It goes without saying. Turn off that movie right now.
Adam: Ooh, I would if it were a Chuck Norris flick, but JC Van D wasn't on your list, so now he's on mine.
Barry: You take off my shirt and step away from the Boo Berry, I mean it.
Adam: Should I step away from the cereal like this?
Barry: Don't you dare moonwalk away from that cereal. I own that move that Michael Jackson made up!
Adam: But you didn't call it, and I did!

Barry: Those are fighting words, and you know it.
Adam: Go ahead. I already have my favorite martial arts weaponry to protect me.
Barry: No, I called 'chuking. I remember listing it off.
Adam: Yeah, you picked Bo staff, which is basically just a long stick.

Barry: Greetings, earthling.
Adam: What are you doing in my room?
Barry: Just diving into the world of nerd stuff I love that you never called. You know, playing with He-Guy, stretching Neil Armstrong, playing with this weirdly hot cat lady.
Adam: That's Cheetara.
Barry: Cheetabra.
Adam: Her precognition-
Barry: Prenition.
Adam: and immense speed-
Barry: Fence speed.
Adam: make her an asset to the Thundercats-
Barry: the Tundra Dads.

Beverly: Sorry, no TV until you go through every scrapbook.
Murray: You know, I've given this a lot of thought. And I realize I do mark the moments. As a matter of fact, I kind of have my own scrapbook collection.
Beverly: You? Scrapbooks?
Murray: Take my hand, I want to show you something. This this right here, this is how I mark the moment.
Beverly: These are our tax returns.
Murray: To you. To me, they're reminders of us, of our family. Every receipt has a memory. This right here, this is where Erica got her braces. Ha, and look at this. This is where we bought Adam his first video camera.
Beverly: Wow, these receipts really mean a lot to you, huh?
Murray: They mean everything. And I keep them all here in my heart file.
Beverly: Oh, Murray.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's the thing about marking the moment, everyone does it in their own way.
Beverly: What a crock of [bleep]! I mean, tax returns? In your heart file? Really?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That year, my dad got two tickets to a 'Trotters game and Barry was beside himself. Even walking pneumonia wouldn't stop him.
Barry: All set.
Murray: It's 80 degrees out, you moron.
Barry: I got the shivers and sweats. Just means I'm super psyched.

Beverly: Not so fast. Murray, look at your son. Can't you see he's pale and clammy?
Murray: I don't like looking at him too much.

Murray: What am I gonna do with these damn tickets?
Beverly: How about taking your healthy son?
Murray: Adam? To a sporting event?
Beverly: Yes. Why is that so crazy?
Adam: Oh, good! An audience! Does this sound insanely realistic to you? Rikak-kak-kak-kak-kak! Rikak-kak-kak-kak!
Murray: Son of a bitch, this one's sick, too.
Adam: No, I'm Michael Winslow from "Police Academy." You know, the man of 10,000 sound effects. He's cornered the market on mouth-based noise comedy, until now.
Beverly: Until now.
Adam: Wokka, wokka, wokka, wokka, wokka, wokka, wokka, wokka. Mrawww!

Murray: Okay, you're coming with me. We're going to go see some basketball.
Adam: Am I in trouble?

Barry: Are you kidding me? This nerd doesn't know a lay-up from a bank shot. Go on, ask him. Ask him what a bank shot is.
Adam: Is it when you make tons of bank for shooting the orange ball real good?
Barry: If I could stand, I'd punch this entire house down.