Adult Adam: [v.o.] I was back at rehearsal, but unfortunately, so was my dad.
Murray: Is that all you got, AG? Put your bat on the ball. Let the big dog eat!

Beverly: It's all a lie!
Erica: What?
Beverly: None of these products are real, and frankly, I don't get how you thought they were.

Beverly: Okay, I'm sorry I freaked out about you moving, but good thing is, I stopped before any damage was done.
Erica: But there was damage! So much damage! I sent these insane jingles to Marci.
Beverly: Wazzat?
Erica: I sent her a cassette! She's gonna think I'm some crazy person who peddles weird oyster water and all-purpose 'nog.

Adam: Stupid heavy jacket from the old country!
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Whoaaa. Everything okay, man?
Adam: No, Ruben Amaro Jr., everything's not okay.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: What happened, bro? You break up with that girl who dated me freshman year?
Adam: No, and I'd prefer we not discuss that. It's my dad. He insists on coming to every single practice.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: I hear ya. My dad comes to every practice, too.
Adam: So you get how much it sucks.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: No. My dad's my best friend.
Ruben Amaro, Sr.: I'm almost done, champ! Let's warm up that arm before practice.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Be there in a minute, Pop. Just talking to my ex-girlfriend's little boyfriend here.
Ruben Amaro, Sr.: I love how you're always there for everyone.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: You taught me well, Dad.
Ruben Amaro, Sr.: I love you, son.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: I love you more!
Adam: Wow. This is just like the total opposite of my experience.

Ruben Amaro, Jr.: What can I say? Ruben Sr. was an athlete himself, so he knows how crazy sports dads can get.
Ruben Amaro, Sr.: I re-gripped your bat, buddy.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Super thoughtful, Dad! Yeah, last thing he wants is for me to get burnt out so I fake an injury or quit altogether.
Adam: You're right! I can totally fake an injury! I'll pretend I lost my voice so I can't sing.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Wait, what sport do you play?
Adam: The greatest sport of all... theater.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: Yeah, I kinda wish I knew that before I got involved.

Ruben Amaro, Sr.: Ruben, get away from that demanding father. He'll kill your spirit.
Ruben Amaro, Jr.: On it, Pop.
Murray: Who the hell's that?
Adam: That is the wonderful father of Ruben Amaro Jr. named Ruben Amaro Sr., and I wish that was us.
Murray: That is us! I'm here.
Murray: I'm trying to help you, you moron!
Adam: Well, you're not! I hate this play, and now I hate all musicals. So thank you for taking my favorite thing in the world and ruining it.

Beverly: Apparently, Marci played your jingles for her office, and they loved 'em. Thought it was a bold stunt.
Erica: Stunt? You gave me those songs to make me look like a crazy person.
Beverly: Well, they don't need to know that.
Erica: That's great, but it doesn't make up for the fact that you sabotaged me and you're never gonna change.
Beverly: I know. Truth is, I am a selfish, scheming mama bear who can't let her kids leave because she loves them so damn much. And the worst thing is, I'll be like this 'til I'm 75 years old.
Erica: If that's your way of saying I'm sorry, it's not working.

Erica: How did you know I was gonna ask that?
Beverly: 'Cause I know you better than anyone, schmoo. And the one thing about me that'll never change is how much I rapplepop you.
Erica: I rapplepop you too, Mom.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, I realized why my father became a crazed sports dad when it came to "Fiddler." He wasn't trying to live through me. He was trying to connect the only way he knew how. And with a little perspective, I finally understood just how great of a play it was. Sometimes, it's hard to understand why the people we love act the way they do. But when you put your trust in them, that's when the real traditions come to life.

Barry: Okay, everyone shut your faces. Dad, I've decided who I'm gonna be in "Fiddler on the Roof" so you can finally be my sports theater Dad.
Pops: His sports what?
Murray: Don't ask.
Barry: I shall be Lazer Wolf.
Murray: Stop! The play's over!
Barry: Ahh. You're trying to motivate me. Well, Lazer Wolf never quits 'cause he's got lasers!
Murray: Moron! Lazar Wolf is the respected town butcher.
Barry: [howls]
Pops: I don't know what any of that was.
Murray: It's for the best.