Barry: Yes! Left field, which is your right, so it still counts.
Adam: Dude. How do the Phillys not recruit you right now, fresh out of high school.
Barry: That's what I ask when I call them!

Vic: Do me a favor. Don't tell Murray you heard it from me, okay?
Beverly: Of course, Vic. I permiss.
Vic: Did you just say "I permiss"?
Beverly: No, I said "I pormiss."
Vic: Por... Por...
Beverly: I pormiss?
Vic: Wait, what?
Beverly: Got to go!

Erica: You're never going to win at... Curling? What the hell is that?
Barry: Isn't it genius? No one knows.
Adam: It's a sport where you sweep a rock across a sheet of ice. It takes incredible focus and patience.
Barry: Mmm...
Adam: Moving on. How about "dressage"?
Barry: Yes! I'll win the gold at whatever that is.
Adam: It's an equestrian event, which is the elegant art of horse dancing.
Barry: It told you, bro. I will never dance with a horse! Never!
Erica: What is your deal with horses?
Barry: They know what they did.

Coach Mellor: Goldberg, what the hell are you doing? I said Ruben Amaro, Jr.
Barry: What? How is that even possible?
Coach Mellor: Well, he's an athletic superstar, and you are our mascot. Now, put on the giant head and dance for our champ.

Pops: He's right, Mur. It's freezing in here. At least start a fire.
Murray: Are you nuts? You think firewood grows on trees?
Pops: Yes, that's what trees are. Wood.
Murray: Well, keep your hands off. And turn off the damn lights. We don't support the electric company.
[Murray turns the lights off. The room is pitch black]
Adam: Hey, we're still in here.
Murray: It's after 6:00. Go to bed.

Pops: Look, Mur, when I first opened this place, business was lousy. It was so bad, my in-laws would buy furniture they didn't even need. Every room in their house had three beds.
Murray: Why would they do something so stupid?
Pops: To help me. That's what family does. We take care of each other. There's no shame in that.
Murray: Yeah, well, it feels like there is.
Pops: I know that's how it was in your family, but now you're my family. And this is how we do it.

Barry: Anyone could play baseball. I play Wiffle.
Lainey: Yes, the only sport where the equipment is sold in a pharmacy.

Barry: Well, at the very least, Coach should recognize my insane hoop skills.
Lainey: Sweetie, you're not even on the basketball team.
Barry: 'cause I play streetball. My flash and pizzazz can't be contained in a gymnasium. And don't get me started on my boomerang skills.
Lainey: I won't.

Murray: Which one of you morons cranked up the heat to 55?
Adam: How is that cranked up? I'm wearing my Spider-man long underwear, which, yes, feels like a fun little secret, but it shouldn't be necessary in the house.

Murray: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's two whole ounces of milk right there. Pour it back.
Erica: But it's blue from all the Boo Berry.
Murray: Berries are healthy. Pour it back.