Murray: Whoo-hoo! Bookbinder's on a Saturday night with no reservations. You really did it, Bevy.
Beverly: Remember, when we're in public, it's Brittley Divine.
Hostess: I'm sorry... this table's reserved.
Beverly: Uh, for celebs, yes.
Hostess: For this party of four. There's a waiting list. It's about two hours.
Murray: I thought you said you had a standing table with complimentary appetizers.
Barry: I was gonna order two of everything, Noah's Ark-style.
Beverly: All right, hand over the menus. We're not going anywhere.
Erica: I am, 'cause this is mortifying.
Beverly: I guess you've left me no choice. [clears throat, removes sunglasses] It's me. All right? Now, be a dear and go get us three iced teas and maybe turn the lights down in this section, because people are starting to stare!
Murray: They're staring at you because you're a nightmare. I'm going across the street to Long John Silver's.
Barry: I didn't realize we were so close to fried pirate fish.
Beverly: Sit down, Barry. We are eating here for free. Clearly, this woman is very embarrassed and she'll do anything to make it right.
Hostess: I'm calling the police.

Adam: There you are! Took me a while to get that water because someone ripped the faucet off the sink.
Brea: Oh. Thanks. But I'm just gonna get out of here.
Adam: What? The party's just getting started!
Brea: Started? My mailman is in the kitchen, screaming that he wants someone to punch him.
Adam: What if I could calm this place down?
Brea: How are you gonna do that?
Adam: With this! People are always too embarrassed to do stupid stuff in front of a camera.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out that wasn't the case.

Beverly: What's all this? You told me Barbara Walters was coming to interview me about my book and my cosmetics line.
Erica: No, that's a super-obvious lie, and the fact that you believed it suggests how out of touch with reality you are.
Beverly: So she's running late?

Murray: Bevy... [stamps foot] ...this is an intervention.
Beverly: Oh, no. Is Barry back on Strawberry Quik again?
Barry: I can quit whenever I want.

Murray: Since this whole book thing started, you've been shameful, rude, and dismissive.
Barry: And I want nothing more than to live a life of unearned celebrity excess, but right now, you're being total garbage.
Beverly: I see. I had no idea me fulfilling my dreams was gonna cause you so much pain and jealousy.
Murray: Jealousy? No one here is saying that.
Beverly: You didn't have to. It's all over your faces, like Strawberry Quik!
Barry: I only do it on the weekends!
Beverly: Okay, I'm gonna go spend time with my real family... my fans at the book expo downtown.
Erica: Can you hear yourself?
Beverly: Not above the roar of my adoring crowd. The BevHeads are gonna be lined up around the block!

Beverly: Where are all my BevHeads?
Mr. Whitby: BevHeads? [chuckles] Your book was a minor local success, and only because your friends and family supported you. But you knew that.
Beverly: I did not.
Mr. Whitby: That's hilarious. Well, I've got a pregnant Great Dane in the car.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The party had trashed Dave Kim's house, and now it was taking to the streets.
Dave Kim: They're taking our pillows, man! Why?! Why?!!
Adam: It's best we don't know.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] As hope... and Dave Kim's belongings... disappeared into the night, a friendly face showed up just in time. No, they weren't in slow motion, and yes, half had their blinkers on for no reason, but that armada of Cadillacs was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen.
Adam: Thanks for doing this, Pops.
Pops: And I brought reinforcements.
Adam: Five Cadillacs should do it.
Pops: Five? We started with seven. Where the hell are Bob and Diane?

Murray: Excuse me. Where could a BevHead get their book signed?
Beverly: What are you doing here?
Murray: I came to support my beautiful wife.
Beverly: Even after the way I acted?
Murray: It wasn't your finest moment.
Beverly: I'm so sorry. I was just excited for you guys to finally be proud of me.
Murray: Are you kidding? We're always proud of you.
Erica: It's true, Mom. And you got a book published. That's not nothing.
Beverly: Yeah, a book nobody cares about.
Barry: We care about it.
Erica: And isn't that what's important, not some stupid table at Bookbinder's?
Murray: Here's the thing. You don't need the whole world to love you, because you got a world of love right here.
Beverly: Damn it, Murray! Why do you always say the perfect thing?
Murray: Because you make it easy. Hey! All you book dopes! Come on over here! My wife wrote an amazing cookbook!

Adam: Brea. You're still here?
Brea: Yeah. I think my friend left on a motorized scooter.
Adam: I can't believe I did this to Dave Kim's house just to impress you.
Brea: You ever consider just talking to me?
Adam: Like that would work.
Brea: Give it a shot. You might be surprised.
Adam: Okeydokey, Smokey the Bear.
Brea: Stop. Enough with the... weirdness. Just be yourself. Talk to me as a person.
Adam: Got it. So... ...you want to maybe... get some ice cream?
Brea: Sure. You want to walk to Scoops?
Adam: Or I could drive us.
Brea: Whoa! That's an enormous car.
Adam: Yep. Almost as big as the heart of the guy who loaned it to me.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out every story does have a hero. Sometimes they show up in the end. Sometimes they were there from the beginning. That's the thing about the characters that fill the pages of our lives. They're always there to lift us up... and, in some cases, bring us back down to Earth. And that can make for a pretty sweet ending.