Adam: Stop stealing! That's the Kim family microwave. I have you on film!
Man: [takes camera] Mine.
Brea: I'm not sure the camera worked like you thought it would.
Dave Kim: [glass shatters] My mom's Franklin Mint commemorative plate collection! [glass shatters] Those are worth a fortune or possibly nothing!

Barry: This intervention is for you.
Beverly: Me? What's my problem?
Erica: You've become an embarrassing psycho.
Geoff: Cookie break!
Beverly: I'm a psycho? Your boyfriend is dressed as me.
Geoff: And I'm pulling it off. And I'm... pulling it off.

Adam: I'm sorry I told you I don't want you around. That's not true.
Pops: Aw, sometimes it might be. You're a young man. You don't need your Pops cramping your style.
Adam: I don't get it. How are you always so understanding?
Pops: Hey. You're my best bud. I know what's in your heart. [Adam hugs Pops] Yeah, me too, buddy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a party to break up. Come on, everybody! Let's ride!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That night, Pops busted out the coolest party trick I'd ever seen.
Pops: Come on, come on.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] He got a bunch of alte kakers to make it crazy-uncool! There were puzzles, bingo, pictures of grandkids, and plenty of butterscotch. And, man, did it clear that party out fast.
Adam: We did it. We totally saved this house. [furniture crashes] That'll buff out.

Barry: Okay, book guy, buckle up, 'Cause I got a few ideas guaranteed to be best sellers.
Mr. Whitby: Wow me.
Barry: Think "The Shining," but instead of the hotel, it's the beach, and instead of ghosts, it's hot chicks.
Mr. Whitby: Okay.
Barry: You know how people like the Bible, right? What if there was a sequel?
Mr. Whitby: I'm an atheist.
Barry: Dracula, but a book.
Mr. Whitby: I have news for you.
Barry: A book of poems that's been hollowed out to hide nunchucks.
Mr. Whitby: My people will be in touch. And I'm far enough away now to tell you that that was a lie.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The '80s was the golden age of the house party. If the music was cranked and the place was wrecked, your bash was a hit. And it turned out I had a hot tip about the latest one.
Adam: Yo, JC, it's me, Adam.
JC Spink: Corey's brother!
Adam: Not even a little bit. Anyway, I thought you'd want to know about a rager at Dave Kim's this Saturday. Let all your bros know.
JC Spink: Will do. Tell Corey he's a dirty dog.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I'd fed the grapevine a grape. Only thing left to do was wait.
JC Spink: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday. If there's no hot tub, we'll make one.
Brian Walls: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday. There's gonna be 50 kegs, and Spuds MacKenzie is deejaying.
Johnny: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday. I'll know if you don't show. Hubba Bubba Soda? Do better.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Word about the party spread fast, until everyone knew about it.
Boy: Party at Dave Kim's this Saturday.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Well, almost everyone.

Dave Kim: What the hell?! Who's telling everybody I'm throwing a party?
Adam: They're the worst. And it's me.
Dave Kim: You?! Why?!
Adam: Come on, Dave Kim! No one loves a kegger more than you.
Dave Kim: And it's a keg party?
Adam: Yep, all kinds of savory brewskis... ales, lights, fruity ciders, light beers. No, wait. Those are the lights.
Dave Kim: You don't know anything about beer!
Adam: I do know your parents are out of town, and kegs attract popular kids, and that's what I'm looking for.
Dave Kim: Is this about Brea Bee?
Adam: Yes, it's about Brea Bee. I know we had a moment while ice-skating, but I've barely seen her since. Now she's back to her ivory tower with the cool kids across the room.
Dave Kim: So you think that a party that will inevitably destroy my home is just the opportunity you need to reconnect?
Adam: Will you help your best friend find love?
Dave Kim: Hell no.

Carla: I hear we're throwing a party.
Dave Kim: Oh, no! Carla's got wind of it!
Carla: Bitch, I am the wind. And I've already got a theme... mayhem and deep regret.
Dave Kim: Oh, no! That's a winner! Who wouldn't come to that?
Adam: I would, and hopefully so will Brea.
Carla: Someone's a nasty boy. [school bell rings] Ugh. It's lunchtime. I'm supposed to open the wing store today!

Adam: Allow me, madam.
Brea: Oh. Thanks, Adam. [chuckles]
Adam: Ohh! Thank you. ...in advance for my next question. Which is, if you had to pick one word to describe how you party, would it be "hardy"? Like Dave Kim's party... this Saturday.
Brea: Oh! T- That might be fun.
Adam: It's guaranteed to be a blast. I'm planning it myself.
Brian Walls: I want to plan. The best part of partying is the who, what, when, and where.
JC Spink: Mm. With a little foresight, planning a party can be as fun as attending.
Adam: I'm pretty sure me and Brea got it covered. Say, my place around 4:00?
Johnny: It's a date.
Brea: Yeah, sorry. I actually can't do it today. But I'll try to make the party.
Adam: I know a solid maybe when I hear one.

Beverly: Mr. Whitby?
Mr. Whitby: Indeed, it is I, your cookbook publisher and well-regarded dog breeder.
Beverly: Come on in! [chuckles]
Mr. Whitby: Oh! What an incredibly authentic residence. Often, when I stare out at Central Park from my penthouse, I imagine this is how other people live.
Murray: So, you drove all the way from the city to belittle our home?

Mr. Whitby: Surprise! I brought your cookbook hot off the presses! It's not really hot. That's just an expression. But it is warm from me sitting on it so I look more imposing in the car.
Beverly: Oh, my God! That's me! This is me!
Mr. Whitby: I guess we went with the one with your face.
Erica: Mom, you're on the cover of your own book? That's so cool!
Barry: It really is! Am I in it?
Erica: "Mrs. Goldberg resides in the Philadelphia area with her husband and three children."
Barry: This book is about me. Can I have this?
Mr. Whitby: For only $14.95. [chuckles] That's what we'll be selling it for at your signing.