‘Crazy Calls’
Season 4, Episode 4 - Aired October 12, 2016
Beverly mixes in and tries to help Adam find friends in the cutthroat world of the school cafeteria. Meanwhile, a new answering machine prompts a war of words between Murray and his father.
Quote from Mr. Glascott
Beverly: You gotta help me. Please. I told him I'd respect his boundaries. Guide me. It's what you're so good at.
Mr. Glascott: I know you're playing me for a fool, but this fool has low-grade depression. So I'll bite.
Quote from Murray
Murray: You want to know why I slept with the lights on? 'Cause you took me to see "Psycho" when I was 9! You owe me $17 for a lifetime of showering with the curtain wide open!
Quote from Murray
Murray: And you were so God-awful that none of my friends ever wanted to come over and play with me!
Pop-Pop: Friends? I had to pay the boy next door to be friends with you! So, you owe me a nickel for that, too.
Quote from Adam
Mike Z: No! You can't send us back in the wild! We've been domesticated.
Adam: Guys, guys, guys. I think the silver lining here is that Mike Z. talked.
Mike Z: You shut it! Shut it, Goldberg!
Mike Levy: You know, it's kind of funny how the drive got cheese just after you joined our crew.
Adam: Mike, Mike, i-it's me. I-I wouldn't cheese the drive.
Mike Levy: Well, me and Mike Levy are kosher.
Mike Z: Way of life!
Mike Levy: And Rog, Mink, and Alvie are lactose-intolerant.
Mike Z: Come at me!
Mike Levy: But every day, you eat the same turkey and cheese sandwich.
Mike Z: Get some!
Adam: That is the lunch my mom always makes me. Mom!
Quote from Mr. Glascott
Mr. Glascott: Beverly, do you have anything to say?
Beverly: I vehemently deny cheesing the drive under cover of darkness when no one was here.
Mr. Glascott: She said "vehemently." That's a big word. So I have to believe her.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Fine. If she's not gonna own up to it, then I'd like to log an official complaint against this teacher, sir.
Mr. Glascott: You mean your mom?
Adam: She's been harassing one of the students.
Mr. Glascott: You?
Adam: I don't see you writing!
Beverly: Don't write it down, Andre.
Adam: Write it down, Andre! Report the snuggies and the kisses, both butterfly and Eskimo.
Mr. Glascott: You Eskimo'd on school grounds? Ooh! I gotta write it. I just have to.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: School grounds or not, I am your mother, and I have the legal right to snug, squish, and kiss you like we're in an igloo as much as I want.
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Not so fast, Atkins. This is a random locker search.
Johnny Atkins: If it's random, why are you targeting the guy most likely to have a doobie hidden in his locker behind a Trapper Keeper? Ah, nards.
Beverly: Principal's office. Now.
Johnny Atkins: This is so unfair!
Beverly: It is, which is why I'll offer you a plea bargain. You take the fall for cheesing the drive, and this all goes away.
Johnny Atkins: I don't know what you just said, and maybe that's 'cause I've been hitting my Trapper Keeper, but I'm in.
Beverly: You also have to stop making fun of my son.
Johnny Atkins: Done. Who is he?
Beverly: Adam.
Johnny Atkins: Adam who?
Beverly: You know, the freshman. You call him a nerd loser. That narrows it down to like 40 dudes. The one with the dimples and the glasses. He looks like a model. He plays with computers.
Quote from Murray
Pop-Pop: There's too much salt on the pretzels.
Murray: What are you talking about? Salt makes the pretzel.
Pop-Pop: Salt makes you die.