Jackie: Okay, guys, no more fluff pieces. I want hard-hitting stories, shocking exposes, and fiery op-eds. What do you got?
Dan: The price of tater tots in the cafeteria has skyrocketed. Where's all that extra dough going?
Jackie: Good. Follow the money. Next!
Dave Kim: I can tackle the recent scandal in Coach Mellor's health class.
Coach Mellor: Hey, nobody told me I had to do a whole unit on weenies!