Mr. Crosby: I was demonstrating how to perform a mitre cut. When I bent down to retrieve some lumber, I split my pants clean down the middle. Having lost my balance, I reached out for the nearest item to steady myself, which, unfortunately, was an active band saw. Now, while the blade did not connect with any fingers, it did shear off one millimeter of this pinkie nub. Thinking fast, I ripped my already split pants wide open and used the fabric as a tourniquet. Now bottomless and afraid, I Donald Ducked about the room in search of ice. Thankfully, I had confiscated a Slurpee from a student, so I plunged my hand directly into the beverage to numb the pain. As you can imagine, I slipped on the mess, toppling directly into my star student Jonathan Atkins. His body was pinned under mine, rendering him immobile, which was problematic, as I had completely thrown out my back upon impact. The students howled with laughter. Once my shoulder dislocated, I was able to free myself and shimmy towards the door. That's when my trick knee gave out, and I rolled right into the belt sander, which toppled directly onto my groin. Upon impact, I farted real bad and real loud.
Murray: I'm gonna stop you there.
Principal Ball: Really? There?
Murray: Yeah. What does any of this have to do with Adam?
Mr. Crosby: Today, there was one student that did not laugh at my ballet of tragedy. In fact, he was so composed, he turned off that belt sander moments before it plunged onto my genitals. Your son.
Murray: Really?
Mr. Crosby: You must be very proud.