Erica: Yo, dude! Sorry I'm two hours late.
Kyle Schnitz: Uh, well, three. (chuckles) No worries. Come on in.
Erica: Oh! Two points!
Kyle Schnitz: Oh, wow. There's not even a trash can there. (chuckles) Have a seat. I'm Kyle Schnitz, and it is very nice to meet you. My favorite part of being an alum is getting to interview all kinds of great students.
Erica: Oh, full disclosure. I'm not so much a, uh, great student as I am a cheater.
Kyle Schnitz: I'm sorry?
Erica: Aww. That's a cute dog you got there.
Kyle Schnitz: Oh, uh, thank you. Yes, that's Ruffles. He's a rescue.
Erica: No, I'm talking about your wife. Boom! Upstairs! (chuckles) Just gonna leave me hanging like that? Lame.
Kyle Schnitz: Let's just forge onward, shall we? Um, so what programs at Penn State are you most excited to- Oh, my! What are you doing?
Erica: (muffled) Taking on this meatball sub like a champ. Want some, Kenny?
Kyle Schnitz: It's Kyle. Uh, would you please not get sauce all over my- Gah! Damn it. That's my name placard.
Erica: All right. Let me, uh, cut to the chase here, Kyle. I am one hell of a singer. I mean, check out these pipes. (clears throat) Kyle Schnitz smells like farts. Oh, stinky, stinky farts. That was right off the top of the dome.
Kyle Schnitz: And interview over.