Erica: Hey, dude. What's all this?
Matt: Oh, I'm spending the summer following the Grateful Dead, so I'm loading up on some GORP.
Erica: GORP?
Matt: "GORP." Stands for "good old raisins and peanuts." It's the go-to meal for Deadheads.
Erica: So, you're basically living in a van, eating crappy trail mix?
Matt: Totally.

Adam: Barry, I got to tell you something.
Barry: I got to tell you something, too.
Adam: Mine's bad, so me first.
Barry: No, trust me. Mine's way worse. So shut your face and sit down. I've realized something huge today when I went back to the locker I stuffed you in.
Adam: To let me out?
Barry: To fart through the air vents. But you were gone and then it hit me. Somehow Matt Bradley was right. All these years, I've been wedging underwear in your butt crack when I should have been wedging love in your heart crack. Which is why I need you to know I love you, bro, with all my heart.

Principal Ball: So, for the first time in William Penn's storied history, we have no valedictory speech.
Barry: Not so fast! I got tons of stuff to say.
Beverly: Ah. [bleep].
Principal Ball: Mr. Goldberg, there is absolutely no world in which I would let you touch-
Barry: Thank you for those kind words, sir.
Pops: Oh, this just got good.
Barry: Welcome, parents, fellow students, esteemed faculty, JTP.
All: JTP.
Barry: I'm Barry Goldberg. You might know me from the time my mom body slammed me at a wrestling tournament. Or when I showed up to school dressed as Boy George. Or last night when I put on a break-dancing show that had some very mixed reviews. But that's the amazing thing about this school. Every time I fell, there was always someone there to pick me up. I learned a lot here, but mostly, this place taught me to never be afraid to fail, and I know everyone sitting behind me feels the same way.
Murray: Would you look at that? Our moron did good.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Barry Norman Goldberg, high-school graduate. Turns out my brother was right. It really was the end of an era, and, man, it went by in a flash. The nerdy love of my life was about to go off to college and start a new nerdy life without me. As for Barry and his friends, it seemed like their high-school adventures would never end, but in a blink they were all grown up and ready for the future. Kind of reminds me of something my dad used to say, "The days are long, but the years are short." And watching my brother and his friends celebrate on that stage, I finally understand what he meant. I know I always said I couldn't wait till Barry left for college, but the truth is, he was my best friend, and I'd miss him. But that's life. One era had ended, but an even better one was about to begin.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That summer, we all grew up more than we expected. My mom learned to let go a little bit more. Erica finally had a plan to go back to school. And, for once, Geoff didn't have a plan at all. Next year, we were all headed into uncharted territory, but turns out it'll be the greatest year of my life. Of course, when I look back, I don't always get the details right, but there's one thing I do know it was 1980-something, and it was perfect.

Adam: For the seniors, there was the tradition of the awkward class photo.
Johnny Atkins: Clear a hole, losers. Johnny Atkins is finally graduating. You suck. You're a dork. You're a nerd. I hate you. You suck, too.
Principal Ball: Mr. Atkins, I thought you knew. You failed five classes. You're definitely not graduating.
Johnny Atkins: Forget what I just said. Have a great summer.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And who could forget the ring salesman who grossly overestimated teenage interest in bulky jewelry?
Andy: Joss Stinn, bro? Is there any way you can take off the name of our school and replace it with "JTP" in emeralds?
All: "JTP" in emeralds?
Jeweler: No, there's not.
Geoff: You make me sad.
Naked Rob: Your rings are dumb.
Matt: Appreciate your time.

Matt: C'mon, guys four friends in a van, following the Grateful Dead all summer? It will be super chill.
Barry: [scoffs] I wish.
Matt: Why can't you?
Barry: I can only tell you if it's under the JTP cone of silence.
All: JTP cone of silence!

Barry: Mom gets it. One day, people will pay a fortune to see where America's first doctoring rap president grew up.
Beverly: Oh, they sure will. Oh, I can't believe my baby's done high school!
Barry: It really is the end of an era, Ad Rock. Which is why I have to give you as many joxygen masks as possible.
Adam: Wait, what?! [muffled] Sweet balls, no!
Beverly: Aww, my babies love each other so friggin' much.
Adam: Oh! Oh, terrible!
Barry: I know, buddy. I'm gonna miss this, too.

Erica: Dude, you're already valedictorian. What more do you want?
Geoff: So much more. This summer, I have to complete all my college core classes so that next year, I have time to pick a sensible major so that I can get a job and then marry you and then buy a house and then lease a Volvo and then save for our kids to go to college.
Erica: Forget our kids' college! You haven't even gone to college.
Geoff: I know. I'm sorry I'm so wound up. It's just our future is, like, super important to me.
Erica: Whoa, what's with all the scratching?
Geoff: It's just a stress rash. It comes and goes like my peptic ulcer.