Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, my mom was desperate to keep me at a safe distance, so she spread the word about the latest hot spot for off-campus lunch.
Adam: Bev's Bites? This is just my mom making food at my house.
Johnny: I don't do zoning for the city. Just going for the free grub.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was a brilliant chess move. If I wanted to go to a food court, my mom would bring a food court to me. Yep. Bev's Bites was open for business.
Beverly: What'll it be, sir? I've got a wok, and I'll put things in there that the fast food chains are afraid to.

Naked Rob: I got one. You're a great political cartoonist.
Barry: You know it, son. I am a great... Wait, what?
Andy: Ha! You gave Ronald Reagan Dumbo ears.
Barry: Who?
Naked Rob: It's hilarious in a smart way that doesn't make you laugh.
Matt: Take that, beltway.
Barry: I didn't do that! I hate politics. The only time I voted was to keep the McRib going.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] I had made a mad dash for the food court, but I only made it as far as the principal's office.
Principal Ball: Need I tell you how serious this offense is?
Beverly: He knows. Now, what I'd like to know is exactly how the parental signature verification system broke down.
Principal Ball: He put the slip in my box, and I put it in this pile.
Beverly: What? I assumed you had a team of forgery experts who reviewed each signature and compared them against a master list for authenticity.
Principal Ball: I just put it in the pile.

Erica: Dude, the most bananas thing just happened! I was minding my business and making mouth sounds into a desk fan, when I switched bodies with Erica.
Geoff: What's going on?
Erica: It's me. Big Tasty. But I'm stuck in this dumb lady body, and I can't even nunchuck. See? I usually have the skills of a bajillion Bruce Lees.
Geoff: This is weird, sweetie.
Erica: Sweetie? Don't be gross, you turd.
Barry: Hey! I'm Erica. I like dumb leather boots or being a wiseass. I'm sad and pathetic... [Erica hits Barry with the nunchuks] Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, no.
Erica: Yeah, I guess I'm pretty good with these things.
Barry: Ow. [groans]

Erica: Why the sad face? Are they out of All Dogs Go to Heaven?
Geoff: No, they keep that on permanent hold for me. I was just thinking that since I'm not currently doing anything with my life, no one would want to switch bodies with me.
Erica: But you're on a great track now. You're applying to college.
Geoff: Yeah, but I can't do that until summer. I want my life to start right now. And besides, living on campus illegally hasn't exactly been easy.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Even though Geoff loved shacking up with Erica, not being an actual student had a few setbacks, like not having a dorm key.
Geoff: Oh, no! Poison ivy! Oh, no! The door!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And no school I.D. meant no access to the cafeteria.
Geoff: What'd you get me?
Erica: You know when you're so hungry that everything tastes good? Are you that hungry?
Geoff: Was this once a crepe?
Erica: And... Bum-bum-bum... Iceberg lettuce!
Geoff: It's almost a Cobb salad.

Barry: Idea! Geoff can switch bodies with the greatest living person of all time... Me.
Erica: I speak for everyone when I say we don't want your body, Barry.
Barry: Oh, Geoff should want my body. He should want it bad.
Geoff: Bar, where are you going with this?
Barry: It's where you are going... To the cafeteria with my I.D.
Geoff: Wow. That would be amazing. But don't you need it for food?
Barry: Nah. I just eat everything in the fridge that's clearly marked "Property of Matt Bradley."
Matt: What?

Geoff: Wait, so with Barry's I.D., I could escape the shadows and eat food from a plate and not a pocket?
Erica: Oh, yeah, I meant to give this to you earlier. It's called spanakopita. And it is wet.

Barry: Just be careful being me. My looks tend to draw a crowd. It's a chore being this beautiful.
Erica: You do know that you're not actually switching bodies, right?
Barry: Don't be so sure. [magical music plays]
Naked Rob: It's happening.
Matt: So magical!
Andy: They're the same age and gender, so it won't be that strange.
Erica: Idiots. [music slows, stops] It's 9:00. The store is closing.
Barry: Fine. But to make sure our swap is complete, we'll slam our bodies together to exchange life spirits.
Geoff: Yeah, that won't be necessary!
Barry: Yah!

Principal Ball: Attention, students! From now on, juniors will be allowed to have lunch off-campus, just like seniors!
Adam: It's finally happening! [throws lunch away]
Principal Ball: Starting tomorrow!
Adam: Why'd you pause? You didn't have to pause.
Mr. Woodburn: Ha! Thanks for the spud, hot head! [chuckles]