Barry: Kudos. You've made it through the festive gauntlet of the first seven nights. Your reward? Night Eight.
Bill Lewis: I can't wait for it to begin, but I don't want it to end. I haven't felt this alive in years! Hey, look, it's Chinese food and hard candies? Where's the seven-course, potato-based feast and some kind of motorized dune buggy?

Bill Lewis: Any luck, son?
Barry: No.
Beverly: Aw, schmoopie.
Bill Lewis: That's okay, buddy.

Bill Lewis: On, off. On, off, on, off! Stereo bandits have met their match!

Beverly: Could it be? [song starts again]
Bill Lewis: Nope! Can't do it!
Beverly: Bill, no! We're on the expressway!
Bill Lewis: I hate you all! [roars, gives them the finger with both hands]

Bill Lewis: It's not just Atlantic City. He makes bets with my bookie.
Beverly: Wait, that's it. You'll keep taking his bets, but you won't actually place them. That way, when he loses big, he'll keep his money and still learn a lesson.
Bill Lewis: Truth be told, tailing an old man to a casino in another state was already a pretty full day. So put me down as a "no".
Beverly: I don't accept.
Bill Lewis: Son of a bitch!

Bill Lewis: Bev, I'm glad you made us come here. After this, I'm gonna have a bowl.
Vic: It feels good in my fingers.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was April 22nd, 1980-something, and my dad and Bill were enjoying the two things they loved most... Sports and chicken.
Murray: Another chicken wing, Bill?
Bill Lewis: Mur, I am stuffed to the gills. But I can't say no. Eating from a helmet is just too fun.
Murray: Yeah, it is. It's almost like you're in the game.

Bill Lewis: Get a load of these two lovebirds. One stick of chewing gum, and they're out on a lake and having fun.
Murray: Twins creep me out.
Bill Lewis: It's not what God intended, but it's nice that they found each other. Heck, I'm thinking it might be time for me to find someone myself.

Jane: I brought just one candidate, the perfect one.
Bill Lewis: Sweet Snow White, she's pretty as a princess!
Jane: Dolores is even better than a Disney princess... She's real.
Bill Lewis: That's my number-one criteria.
Beverly: There's gotta be something wrong with her. What is she, uh, splotchy? Blotchy? Rashy? Acne-d? Stinky? No pinkies?
Bill Lewis: None of those are deal breakers!

Bill Lewis: Va-va-va-voom! It's the woman from the picture!
Dolores: Hi, Bill. I'm Dolores.
Bill Lewis: Hi, Bill. I'm also Dolores. Oh! I'm as nervous as a June bride. Would you like to grab some coffee or a lifetime of memories?
Dolores: Coffee sounds fun.
Bill Lewis: Nice work, Jane! [chuckles] Dolores!