Barry: I don't know who I am anymore. Am I big or tasty? No one knows!

Beverly: What the- Why are you here?
Lainey: To get Barry back.
Beverly: That's what I was trying to do, but now you're screwing me in the pooper!
Lainey: Oh, sweet God!
Beverly: What? What'd I say? Is that bad?

Beverly: You wear that thing all the time. Just look at these pictures from last year. Wrestling team, orange shirt. Beatboxing club, orange shirt. Nunchucking Society, orange shirt.
Barry: Don't forget Zombie Survival Club. Colleges are gonna snap me up.

Lainey: It's just a shirt, babe. We didn't know how much it meant to you.
Beverly: And in our defense, we didn't know we'd get caught.

Beverly: And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids.

Barry: Look at me and know this. I will never take off Big Orange. I will get married in this shirt. I will win the Super Bowl in this shirt. I will become President of the United States of America in this shirt.
Beverly: Well, then I'm not gonna come to your inauguration. Who am I kidding? Of course I'll be there. And I'll iron that shirt.

Barry: Happy anniversary, babe!
Lainey: Dude, I spent hours on my make-up, fixing my hair, and squeezing into this dress.
Barry: I'm so lucky I'm a boy. I woke up like this. I was wearing this shirt and everything.

Beverly: God, I hate that shirt.
Lainey: He looks like a walking circus peanut.
Beverly: He looks like an angry Cheez-It.
Lainey: It's like I'm dating a glass of Tang.
Beverly: Once, when he was wearing it, a panhandler gave him change.
Lainey: I had a dream I married it and we had little orange shirt babies.

Beverly: I can't wait for you to try these on. You're gonna be the handsomest boy in the whole world.
Barry: But you said I'm already the handsomest boy in the whole world.
Lainey: Now you can break your own record. Just like Wayne Gretzky.
Barry: The great one? Yes!
Beverly: Distracting him with hockey people. You're good.
Lainey: I learned from the best.

Barry: No! Wait! You guys got to help me find out who did this. Big Orange's spirit will not rest until the perpetrator has been found and paid his debt.
Erica: And what's in it for us?
Adam: You mean besides the justice served?
Erica: Yeah, I'm gonna need something real.
Barry: I'll also pay you $7,000.
Erica: Um, yeah, no brainer. It's my bar mitzvah money. I've been saving it up for a moment exactly like this.
Barry: For when someone destroyed your $10 T-shirt? Don't you want to save it for a trip to Europe or a down-payment on a h-
Erica: Don't answer that. The Goldberg Gang is on the case.