Beverly: I think I'm gonna go down to the local campaign office and start handing out "Just Say No" t-shirts. I can not thank you enough for opening my eyes to this, Erica. I hate drugs so f$#!@*& much. But I love you.

Beverly: Look at me, boopi. I'm all political.

Beverly: I actually have a question. Why am I here?
Principal Ball: You are here because you caused this kerfuffle.

Barry: Get away, I'm contagious!
Beverly: The only thing that's contagious are your sweet dance moves.

Erica: One option is the London Conservatory of Music.
Beverly: Ocean between us. Pass.
Erica: There's also an awesome music program at UCLA.
Beverly: Country between us. Pass.
Erica: Boston School of Music.
Beverly: A Connecticut between us. Pass.

Beverly: You focus on the music and leave the rest to us. By the time we're done, Juliard will be begging you to go. Just trust, momma.
Erica: Nothing crazy.
Beverly: You got it, schmoopie.
We gotta figure out how to get a white stallion down here.

Erica: Are you seeing what I'm seeing? There's robots punching dragons. And I'm a droopy-eyed stick figure riding a unicorn. Gag me with a spoon!
Beverly: See, I knew you still used that phrase.

Beverly: We're going to have so much fun. I'm going to show you how to make my famous shrimp parm. Have you heard of it? Of course you have, it's famous.
Lainey: Yum!

Principal Ball: No, no. You see, you can't just walk in here, demanding excellence for other students. That's not how school works. You can only parent your own child.
Beverly: Oh, I'll parent every damn child in this school if I have to. Hell, I'll even parent you.

Beverly: Lainey! Lainey! Come to temporary mommy.