Beverly Goldberg: I Have Failed as a Mother Page 1 of 2

Beverly Goldberg: I Have Failed as a Mother

Failing as a mother is Beverly Goldberg's greatest nightmare, but also her most powerful guilt card for when her children threaten to go against her wishes.

Quote from Beverly in The Age of Darkness

Beverly: Sweetie, you have to eat.
Erica: Food reminds me of Drew. He used to eat food.
Beverly: Baby, if you don't eat, then I have failed as a mother.

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Quote from Beverly in A Wrestler Named Goldberg

Barry: Mom? Are you kidding me right now? Move.
Beverly: I will not move. I will never move. You're my special boy. If you end up being just a head, then I have failed as a mother.

Quote from Beverly in Shall We Play a Game?

Beverly: Do you know what could happen in four minutes? You could drown, choke, eat poison berries. And if any of that happens, then I have failed as a mother.

Quote from Beverly in Van People

Beverly: Well, I'm sick of this, Murray. Adam was right, I have failed as a mother. Literally. Our children are van people.

Quote from Beverly in Mini Murray

Beverly: If that's what you really think of me, then I have failed as a mother.

Quote from Beverly in A Kick-Ass Risky Business Party

Beverly: I have failed as a mother and as a temporary mother.

Quote from Beverly in The Beverly Goldberg Cookbook: Part 2

Beverly: I cooked you in my lady kitchen. You were my greatest dish, and this is how you treat me?
Adam: I wasn't really thinking about your lady kitchen when I was reading your lousy book.
Beverly: [gasps] Gasp of gasps! I have clearly failed as a mother!
Adam: And as a cookbook author.
Beverly: I just want you to know that what you have done to me is worse than any horse stomp. Because I still have eyes to see how my beautiful boy betrayed me.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] She hated the sandwich, so I tried one more slice of bread.
Adam: But... you did it, girl?

Quote from Beverly in Hersheypark

Mrs. Kim: "Not only am I ashamed to have such a cruel, selfish son, but I may never sleep again knowing how I failed as a mother." My God, who writes this?
Beverly: Literally me, no joke. Next comes the body of the letter, in which you present the many hurtful specifics that demonstrate how much you've sacrificed for your baby.
Virginia Kremp: "I haven't slept since you were born and gave my whole life to you. Not once did I focus on myself. I could have been a lawyer!"
Beverly: Again, something I actually wrote to my children.

Quote from Beverly in Snow Day

Beverly: Dad, I stumbled upon something incredible hidden in Erica's room, and I need to tell someone, but I can't because she'll never forgive me. Okay, you twisted my arm, so here it is. I'm Erica's hero. Me, baby, me!
Pops: Well, I'm glad this worked out for you.
Beverly: You know what this means, right? I have succeeded as a mother. Now, I know there were times when I quietly wondered if I had failed as a mother, but now I know the truth. Success!

Quote from Beverly in Jimmy 5 is Alive

Erica: Mom's a mess.
Beverly: I have failed as a mother.
Erica: I can't take it, Barry.
Beverly: As a woman.
Erica: Either you tell her-
Beverly: and as a human person.
Erica: -or I will.
Beverly: This is all your fault, Phil Donahue. You gorgeous, white-haired bastard.

Quote from Beverly in Who Are You Going To Telephone?

Beverly: Hey, your brother is a sweet, smart, handsome boy, and this Lexy Bloom would be lucky to date him. Lucky.
Erica: Yeah, and I'll be sure to remind him of that when she tears his heart out tonight.
Beverly: Why must you two delight in each other's misery? I have failed as a mother.

Quote from Beverly in Crazy Calls

Beverly: Why did you let them go?
Mr. Glascott: They called my schmoo a nerd. That's not on them. That's more on your schmoo for being one.
Beverly: Hey, only I get to call my schmoo a schmoo.
Mr. Glascott: The point is, Adam and his gang of computer dorks don't even eat in the lunchroom. That means they're not even on the social ladder. You've got to do something about this. If you don't help Adam, then you have failed as a mother.
Beverly: But that is my greatest nightmare.

Quote from Murray in The Opportunity of a Lifetime

Barry: Wow. This is just so typical of you. Beverly Goldberg, always stepping on her kids' dreams.
Beverly: No, I do the opposite. Everyone knows that. Murray, back me up here.
Murray: I have to side with Bar on this one. You know, if I don't support his talent, then I have failed as a father.
Beverly: No, that's the thing that I say. "I failed as a mother."
Barry: You said it, not me.

Quote from Beverly in The Lost Boy

Beverly: Baby, if you don't eat, then I have failed as a mother.

Quote from Beverly in Muscles Mirsky

Beverly: Crack rock! Crack rock! (Sniffles) Erica's gonna take crack rocks.
Murray: Erica what?
Beverly: I read it in her diary. Not the decoy, but the real one. Her friends are participating in crack rock, and now Erica is also going to participate in crack rock.
Murray: Can't you just trust Erica enough to know that she's not gonna go out and eat crack with her friends?
Beverly: No! If my little baby so much as touches one piece of crack, then I have failed as a mother.
Murray: You usually say that for dramatic effect, but I agree with you on this one.

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