Dave Kim: You can't throw him this bachelor party in this movie, man. You can't do it.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim.
Dave Kim: There's so much bad language and full-frontal shenanigans.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim!
Dave Kim: Why would boyishly lovable Tom Hanks agree to be in this? He's done. He'll never work again.
Adam: I know, Dave Kim!!
Dave Kim: Barry said his marriage hinges on this! What are you gonna do, bro?!
Adam: I don't know, Dave Kim. I don't know.

Beverly: Actually, I dragged him here. He needs a new car.
John Calabasas: Well, I can tell just from the look of you that you only settle for the best. Am I right?
Murray: You are not. Save your spiel for the other suckers. I'm just here for a new handle.
Beverly: Murray, look at me and hear the words of a woman who was banned from carpool you're getting a car today. Any car. I don't even care what it is at this point.
Bill Lewis: My God, Mur-man! You're such a cheap bastard, your wife has completely given up and letting you get whatever car you like.

Barry: What do you got?
Andy: Bro, if you want an adult-man bachelor party, then we are gonna go extreme!
Geoff: I say we kick off the night in a badass arcade with some high-octane Skee-Ball!
Barry: High-octane. Now we're talking.
Andy: Followed by some extreme arcade gameplay, totally balls out and wild!
Barry: That is balls out. You guys just get it.
Matt: Then we kick it up to the max with a monster mini-horse and a no-holds-barred cake made of insanely cold ice cream!
Barry: This is insane. All of it.
Adam: Dude! They just said the exact same stuff as me, only they're shouting and using fancier adjectives.

Beverly: Murray, please. Just take the Bitter for a spin. Look! I got you driving gloves.
Murray: I don't want to wear gloves while I drive. What am I? The Equalizer?

Guy: Hey. What kind of car?
Murray: Uh, it's a Bitter. Austrian. Very rare.
Guy: At first, I thought it was a-
Murray: Oh, Ferrari. Yeah. It gets that a lot.
Bill Lewis: Also, Austria isn't the place with the boxing kangaroos. That's Australia. See? I'm growing, too.

Marvin: And now, in your envelopes, you will find Binaca spray, Mexican pesos, anti-venom, and fake IDs.
Barry: Sweet! I'm a 65-year-old organ donor named Enzo Pinetti.
Geoff: George P. Shultz? Isn't he, like, Secretary of State?
Marvin: Yeah maybe you want to tuck your shirt in.
Johnny Atkins: Philippe Tallahassee? Sounds totally made up, bro.
JC Spink: Not as made up as Abner Q. Cheeseburger.
Marvin: Of German descent.

Mechanic: Well, I mean, here's the thing. If you have a car there's only one of, I mean, it ain't easy to get parts. There's legitimately none in this country.
Murray: So, what you're saying is, I splurged on something nice for myself, and the very next day, it's broken forever.
Mechanic: Yeah, that's exactly the case.
Murray: Your fault!
Beverly: No! I saw the way you were looking at the Bitter. You wanted the Bitter. You're a Bitter man, remember?
Murray: I am a bitter man. I'm bitter to have a broken car in my driveway mocking me for the rest of my life. Angry!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After the Bitter had broken, it left my dad bitter and broken.
Murray: Can you believe that woman? "Treat yourself, Mur." Who says that to a husband? Who?
Bill Lewis: Dear Lord! This is so infuriating, it makes me wanna punch a wall.
Murray: Aw, pal, I really appreciate the support.
Bill Lewis: Wait, you think I'm on your side?
Murray: Aren't you?
Bill Lewis: No! You make me want to punch a wall, not her!
Murray: You're my best friend. You're supposed to blindly agree with anything I say.
Bill Lewis: No. Beverly is a saint. Last I heard, my wife is somewhere in the Southwest. That's not even a state. That's just a region of the country. I can't get her on the phone. There's not even an area code. I ate a banana for dinner three times last week. When I don't brush my teeth, nobody cares.
Murray: We all got stuff.
Bill Lewis: Not you. Your wife cooks for you, she appreciates you. She wants you to be happy. My wife is a ghost in the wind. Sometimes I talk to an old sock of hers when I feel lonely.
Murray: So, you're not gonna side with me on this, are you?
Bill Lewis: Hell no! And you're gonna make this right for us. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go home and peel my dinner.

Lainey: Honestly, it's going to be fine.
Barry: Then you leave me no choice. Attention! I shall throw my own wild bachelor party.
Lainey: Cool.
Barry: Really?
Lainey: I trust you.
Barry: Well, you shouldn't.
Erica: You should. You're never gonna do better anyway.
Barry: Agreed. Time to go tell my best man to plan a gnarly bachelor party and also pick my best man.

Beverly: You need a new car.
Murray: Ah, again with this? My car works just fine. Tell her, Bill.
Bill Lewis: This kind of feels like one of those lose-lose situations I'd rather not be involved in.
Beverly: Too late. You're going with us. You're gonna be a bad influence and goad him into spending some money.
Murray: How about this? We compromise. I replace the door handle, and boom! Everybody wins!
Beverly: Forget the door handle. You've been driving the same car since our first date.
Murray: So it's got sentimental value. You get it.
Beverly: You're getting a new car.