Adam Goldberg Quotes Page 60 of 74
Quote from The William Penn Years
Adult Adam: [v.o.] My brother couldn't help me fix my big sports screw-up, so I had to step up to the plate and face the high heat... Whatever that means.
Principal Ball: This is the worst thing that ever happened to our school since the witch burnings. You're lucky we don't do that anymore.
Adam: Technically, I'd be a warlock. That's what they call male witches. Just FYI, if it comes up socially.
Principal Ball: When would it come up socially?
Adam: At a Wiccan cocktail party?
Principal Ball: Perfect example, but I'm still furious.
Adam: What if we just lob a call to Germantown Prep and redo the game?
Principal Ball: That's your solution? Look, I don't want to overstate this, but you have killed our school spirit forever!
Adam: I can fix that. What is spirit anyway if not something dead that comes back to haunt people? But in a good way.
Principal Ball: Stop speaking in tongues, warlock.
Quote from The William Penn Years
Adult Adam: [v.o.] After messing up and becoming the most hated kid in school, I had one final shot for a legendary comeback.
Principal Ball: Okay. I know none of you want to be here, but there's one senior who just won't quit. Adam?
Adam: So, I know we'll never have video of the amazing thing our football team did that day. I'm sorry. I just figured, if I lost one special moment, maybe I could help find a few more.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] That night, I didn't know if I'd graduate with everyone hating me, but I figured that with a great song, I could remind everyone that our time together was truly a wonder.
["With A Little Help From My Friends" sung by Hayley Orrantia plays]
Adam: Looking back, I'm amazed at the time we've spent here, that we've gotten to grow up together at William Penn Academy. What else can I say about our class other than... There wasn't another one like it. Some of us have been together since first grade, and most haven't changed a bit. It's funny how, even if we weren't close friends, we were all connected. That's what makes this place special. The people, and that's what we'll take away. William Penn has taught us lots... That is, when we paid attention. We learned that life is about messing up, getting up, growing up. Yeah, we're all just kids with our whole lives ahead of us, but the William Penn years, they really were the best. [scattered applause] [applause] [cheering]
All: Seniors! Seniors! Seniors! Seniors! Seniors! Whoo!
Principal Ball: Nice work, Mr. Goldberg. You might really have a future in this kind of thing.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Maybe I did.
Quote from The William Penn Years
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out you can think about the future and still hold onto the past. Looking back at high school, we were all different people with different interests, but we shared a certain bond, not because of where we'd come from, but because of the years we had spent together. Because in the end, all that matters is the people. Sure, they may come and go throughout the course of our lives...
Mr. Glascott: Oh, howdy, neighbor-slash-landlord. [chuckles] I hope you like bird-sitting.
Adult Adam: ...but the memories they create are forever.
Quote from An Itch Like No Other
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, there was no escaping him. [birds squawking] Even in the middle of the night, his presence was felt.
Beverly: Wow, it's worse in here than in our room.
Adam: It's Mr. Glascott's damn parrot.
Beverly: [sighs] Yeah, John said she was in heat and night vocalizations are normal.
Adam: Normal? I can't sleep because of the sex screams of a 40-year-old bird.
Beverly: I wish there was something I could do.
Adam: Buy me that slingshot I always wanted, and I'll end this right now.
Beverly: Adam!
Adam: Sorry! But the guy's just so up in our business. It's making me think bad thoughts. I'm losing my innocence, Mama.
Beverly: Glascott's just coming on a little strong, but I'm sure he'll settle in.
Adam: I'll settle it right now. Give me a pellet gun and a place to stand. Who am I?!
Quote from An Itch Like No Other
Adam: I get that you have constant issues with everybody, but why am I here?
Beverly: Just need a little cover story to get us inside.
Adam: Any chance I can get a little heads up on whatcha got cooking? [door opens] And the door's opening.
Mr. Glascott: Landlord. Landlord's son.
Beverly: Hi. Can we come in?
Mr. Glascott: I'm sorry. I only allow friends into my private domain. We can do our nasty business right here.
Adam: I really wish I could just get a hint about what's going on here.
Beverly: Adam needs to check the rat traps.
Adam: What?! Why me?
Beverly: Because your snuggly little boy body still fits in the crawl space.
Adam: The doctor said I'm still growing.
Beverly: Well, until then, off to the dark you go.
Mr. Glascott: Fine. Just make it quick. I was about to wash my bird's tiny mirror.
Beverly: Here's a bag in case you find anything. And a mallet, so you can... [clicks tongue] You know. [chuckles]
Adam: I don't know! And these are things that should have been discussed beforehand!
Quote from An Itch Like No Other
Adam: What are you doing?
Barry: Studying my nemesis. Leaves.
Adam: Well, as always... What?
Barry: For future emergencies, I need to be able to tell which are poisonous and which are not. You see, poison ivy is, uh... Dammit! You distracted me!
Adam: Don't worry, I can tell. Just scoop them up and hand them to me. Come on, not like that. You got to mix 'em up first. Really shuffle 'em good.
Barry: That makes sense.
Adam: Uhp, you got something on your face. [rubs face]
Barry: Is it off?
Adam: Nope, other side.
Barry: [rubs other side] How 'bout now?
Adam: That's perfect, my man. [chuckles] I'll go get the ointment.
Barry: Damn it!
Quote from The Hunt for the Great Albino Pumpkin
Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, my Halloween was back on. Sort of.
Pop-Pop: Let's just get this over with. I don't like looking like a Canadian.
Adam: Also, your cardigan isn't exactly screaming "scary."
Pop-Pop: You want to know what's really scary? I had three UTIs this year, so hustle up. I'm gonna have to take a tinkle soon.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so began the worst Halloween movie ever.
[montage:]
Pop-Pop: How am I gonna murder in this? My face is so hot.
Pop-Pop: Won't they know the goalie did it?
Pop-Pop: So he's killing the campers. Can't say that I blame him. Sleeping on the ground like a bunch of schnooks.
Quote from The Hunt for the Great Albino Pumpkin
Pop-Pop: Oh, son of a bitch! Someone stole my pumpkin.
Adam: Pumpkin? You don't decorate for Halloween.
Pop-Pop: Halloween? No, I was waiting for it to ripen in this nice October air. That was my special soup pumpkin.
Adam: Soup pumpkin?
Pop-Pop: You're damn right. It was a rare albino gourd. That was weeks of soup.
Adam: What am I supposed to do about it?
Pop-Pop: You're gonna help me find the bastard who took it.
Adam: Or we go to the supermarket, and I'll buy you all the weird-colored vegetables your heart desires.
Pop-Pop: And let those bastards win? No way. We're gonna go right now. We're Halloweening.
Quote from The Hunt for the Great Albino Pumpkin
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was Halloween, but instead of the quiet night at home I wanted, I was having a garbage time with Pop-Pop.
Adam: I understand we're looking for a white pumpkin that will yield you months of soup, but why exactly are we wearing trash bags?
Pop-Pop: We gotta blend in with costumes.
Adam: This isn't a costume. It's a Hefty Cinch Sak.
Pop-Pop: Ooh, Cinch Sak. Someone's mommy pays for the good stuff.
Quote from The Hunt for the Great Albino Pumpkin
Pop-Pop: Now just ring the doorbell, ask for candy. I'll case the house.
Adam: That's your plan? A door-to-door pumpkin search in trash bags?
Pop-Pop: Look at you following along, huh? Now, you got that sock I gave you?
Adam: I threw it away.
Pop-Pop: Threw it away? That's grocery store socks. Now where are you gonna put the candy?
Adam: Your foot was just in there!
Pop-Pop: Oh, check you, Prince of Persia, too good to eat sweets from my calf-highs.
Adam: Fine! Just give me the other one, I guess.
Pop-Pop: [groans] There.
Adam: Oh, God. Why is it damp?
Pop-Pop: There's a cool mist in the air.
Adam: No, there isn't! And why is it warm to the touch? It's like the towel they give you at Benihana before the meal.