‘Will's Christmas Show’
Season 2, Episode 13 - Aired December 16, 1991
The extended Banks family heads to a ski lodge in Utah for Christmas. [Jenifer Lewis, Vernee Watson, Charlayne Woodard and Diedrich Bader guest star]
Quote from Vivian
Janice: He took my home pregnancy test, too.
Vivian: Well, maybe he'll call in with the results.
Quote from Will
Geoffrey: I'll get it. Gosh, I'm glad I came.
Fred: Hi, there. Boy, howdy! Looks like you folks have been picked cleaner than Pavarotti's chicken bones.
Philip: Wait a minute, I thought you were the real estate agent.
Fred: I am. I'm also the Sheriff, notary public, mortician and I'm a pretty good little dancer, too.
Will: Let me guess, there's a lot of marriage between first cousins in this town, right?
Quote from Philip
Fred: Okay, let me see if I got this right: He's a short, tall, medium-height Caucasian male with strawberry, dirty-blond brown hair weighing somewhere between 125 and 200 pounds.
Will: Yep, that's him. And the dude'll be carrying my boom box.
Fred: Right. [to the only other White guy in the room, Frank] What the hell is a boom box?
Philip: So, Sheriff, what are the chances of us getting our stuff back?
Fred: Can I be honest with you?
Philip: Please do.
Fred: Buy all new stuff. Merry Christmas.
Quote from Will
Carlton: Will? Will, are you asleep?
Will: No, Carlton, I'm doing homeboy yoga.
Quote from Aunt Helen
Aunt Helen: Merry Christmas, everybody.
Carlton: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
Ashley: What's so merry about it?
Aunt Helen: Well, if no one else is gonna put up a front, neither am l. This is the worst damn Christmas I've ever had! [Lester limps in with Uncle Phil's help] And look at this fool.
Quote from Geoffrey
Philip: So, Geoffrey what's for breakfast?
Geoffrey: Hot water and chewing gum, sir.
Philip: You mean he stole the food, too?
Quote from Will
Fred: Merry Christmas, folks. I got good news. We got the guy who robbed you.
Aunt Helen: That's great!
Carlton: He didn't get very far.
Fred: Nope. The tire blew out on your rental car and he slammed right into the courthouse nativity scene. Baby Jesus went through the windshield and knocked him out cold.
Will: Ah, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
Vy: Oh, yes!
Fred: But the bad news is, he'd already unloaded all your stuff. Except for one thing. Someone in this room is pregnant.
Will: [to Will] Boy, don't you even think it.
Fred: Congratulations, and Happy Kwanzaa.
Quote from Carlton
Janice: Honey, remember that night when I said, "Better safe than sorry"?
Frank: Uh-uh.
Janice: Sorry.
Frank: Holy smokes.
Carlton: Hey, wait a minute. I didn't get to give my Christmas gift. Uh, it's a holiday medley, and it's dedicated to Janice and Frank. [sings] Oh holy night [all join in] The stars are brightly shining It is-- Hey, hey, wait a minute. You guys are drowning me out. My gift to you was a solo.
Will: No, no, Carlton, you can still sing solo... so low that we can't hear you.