Christina: Will, why don't you recite your poem?
Will: All right. Ladies, my poem is called, uh... Tick Tock CIock by Raphael de la Ghetto. "Tick tock clock The clock is ticking for you 'Cause the love you said you'd give Came up way past due So dance to the clock rock Stay on the floor 'Cause when the ticks turn to tocks l'll be knocking at your door" [applause]
Christina: That was incredible.
Ned: And very typical of de la Ghetto's work.

Geoffrey: Mr. Jazz and Miss Janet.
Jazz: Prince, here she is. Janet, Will. Will, Janet.
Will: You don't have a goatee.
Janet: Excuse me?
Vivian: Hi, I'm Vivian Banks, Will's aunt. And this is my husband Philip and our daughters Hilary and Ashley.
Janet: It's nice to meet you.
Will: Hey, m-m-meet me again.
Philip: Why don't we all take a seat?
Geoffrey: May I get you anything, Master William? A dribble bib?

Gia: Hi, I'm Gia.
Will: Hi, I'm Will.
Gia: You ready to order?
Will: We certainly are.
Janet: Not.
Gia: Then I'll come back.
Janet: William, can we get one thing straight? When you are with me, I don't want you to be looking at other women.
Will: What other women?
Janet: Please. I saw you looking at that waitress. So you can just put those ol' googly eyes back in your head, all right? [snaps fingers] Hello? I said, all right?
Will: All right.

Will: It was a cold, dreary, wintry night. October 31 was the date. There was a couple of little kids dressed just like you trick or treating in Bel-Air around 8:00. Now, normally Bel-Air was safe and sound. But this year, things were ill. But, as on every Halloween, the parents sent their kids out not knowing this year it wasn't chill. There was a rude awakening in this Bel-Air town no more tranquility or peace. Not Jason, Michael Myers, or Freddie Krueger... but this monster was called the Bel-Air Beast. This monster was dreadfully ugly and he bothers you when you're all alone. A face like nothing you've ever seen before and he reeks of Polo cologne. He stalks his victims slowly, with the world's most terrible breath. But he doesn't use an axe or a chain saw he talks his victims to death. So if you see this monster run and don't look back, kids. This monster's called the Bel-Air Beast and, oh, my goodness, there he is! [kids scream to Will points at Carlton]

Jazz: I got an idea. I set you two up to get her out of my face, right? So why don't you set her up with some other sucker?
Will: Come on, I ain't living like that. What guy deserves a woman like your sister?
Carlton: [enters] Hi, fellas! Hope you don't mind, I borrowed your Public Enemy tape.
Will: You like Public Enemy?
Carlton: To tell you the truth, they're not half bad. [sings, jazzily] Get up get get get down 911's a joke in your town
Jazz: That used to be my favorite song.
Will: You know, Carlton, I misjudged you. You're a lot cooler than I thought. Hey, you want to go to the club with us tonight?
Carlton: Sure, but I don't have a date.
Will: Carlton, never bring a sandwich to a buffet.

Toni: Will, this is a great jacket.
Will: [looking down] Thanks.
Hilary: Are you, like, saying grace or what?
Will: Yeah, I've been praying a lot lately.
Janet: If you don't stop talking out of the side of your mouth you're going to be talking like that permanently.
Toni: Ooh, break out the Midol.

Ashley: Well, they're kind of having cheerleader tryouts at school and I sort of thought about going. But, you know, that's kind of a stupid idea, so I sort of blew it off.
Will: Oh well, I think that being a cheerleader is a kind of, you know, a sort of a good idea.
Ashley: Do you think I have a chance?
Will: Of course you do. Yo, back in Philly the girls had this cheer, right that, yo, really got the crowd hyped. They used to be like this. They used to, like: "We beat them, we dissed them, we kicked they butt good. But that was kind of stupid, y'all, we in they neighborhood! Run!"

Will: Oh, man. How you trying to play my aunt, man? Oh, that's it. I'm feeling froggy. I'm about to leap. Hey, but, hold up. Would you really prefer a man?
Lester: Wait a minute, Will.
Will: Back up, man.
Lester: You think...? Wait. Anita's my psychiatrist, Will.
Will: Oh, yeah, right. And I just won a Grammy.
Will: Come on. Come on, man to man, toe to toe, come on.
Lester: Will, I understand your anger and if you want to take out your passive-aggressive feelings towards your absent father on me then go ahead.
Will: Man, you really must be seeing a shrink. Hey, what does it mean when you dream that you're flying through a tunnel on a Scud missile?

Will: Whoa, Aunt Viv, who is she? Man, she is all that. She's fine. She's one of The Fat Boys.

Carlton: Will, Mom and Dad are gonna kill us when they find out what we did.
Will: No, they're not, 'cause they're not gonna find out what we did. Geoffrey's not leaving because I'm going to do the right thing.
Carlton: What, tell the truth?
Will: No, I'm gonna beg like Keith Sweat.