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‘Who's the Boss’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Who's the Boss

415. Who's the Boss

Aired January 10, 1994

Will is unhappy taking orders from the new manager of the Peacock Stop: Carlton. Meanwhile, Hilary becomes the target of an angry newsletter.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Daddy, I have the greatest idea. If I watch the weather in New York I'll have a three-hour jump on the competition.
Philip: Honey, that might not work every time.
Philip: Listen, when you drove to work today you didn't by any chance go down Sunset Boulevard, did you?
Hilary: Oh, I couldn't. It was backed up for miles. And everyone was honking like it was New Year's Eve. "Chance of snow and a minus three wind chill." Well, my work is done. I'm going shopping.
Philip: Sweetheart, I've thought it over, you know, and you're right. I'm gonna put an end this newsletter business. In fact, I'm gonna head down to the law library and get right to work.
Hilary: Thank you, Daddy. Now, dress warm, it's gonna snow.

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Quote from Hilary

Philip: Sweetheart, it's commendable that you wanna improve your skills. You don't have to impress those newsletter people.
Hilary: I don't want to impress them. I want to smack them. Daddy, you're a judge. Can't you just throw them in jail or something?
Philip: Sweetheart, the worst thing you can do is blow this thing out of proportion. Now, if you ignore it, it will probably go away. Did you really refer to Hurricane Robert as Bobby?
Hilary: Well, Robert just sounded so serious.
Philip: It was serious, darling. It wiped out half of Miami.
Hilary: Well, excuse me for trying to spread a little sunshine.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Well, where did you get this thing?
Ashley: They were passing them out at school.
Will: Hey, hey, hey. What's that?
Hilary: The I Hate Hilary newsletter.
Will: "Dedicated to the premise that weathercaster Hilary Banks is a... boob."
Hilary: Get to the insulting part.
Will: "Hilary Banks doesn't know the difference between a cirrus cloud and a cumulus cloud." What is the difference?
Hilary: Will, look around. Do you see my TelePrompTer here? "Hilary's knowledge of the weather is as skimpy as those ridiculous outfits she wears on the air." I mean, it's one thing to attack my performance, but my wardrobe? I don't think so.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: My ratings this week have gone through the roof. They're even talking about letting me announce the lottery numbers.
Philip: Well, what about your reputation?
Hilary: So, what if a few people don't like me? I'm a hit.
Philip: Sweetheart, think about this. Is this the kind of fame you want? I mean, people are gonna be tuning in, not to hear your weather report but looking for a laugh.
Hilary: [answers phone] Hello? You're kidding. Well, of course, I'm interested.
Philip: Who was that?
Hilary: They're thinking of making me an anchorperson. I've gotta brush up. Who is this Bosnia person I keep hearing about?

Quote from Carlton

Will: Look around, man. The Peacock is a place where people just come to kick it, man. To relax. You know, get away from the pressures of class. If you start hassling them, they'll go somewhere else.
Carlton: Where? The closest competition is three blocks off campus. Look, don't you see, Will? We've got these people by the textbooks. We can charge and pretty much do whatever we want.
Will: This is like sex to you, isn't it?
Carlton: Yes.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Yep, every business major at ULA wanted The Peacock but my prospectus blew away the competition. Who knows? I could be the next Ross Perot.
Will: I don't know. Let's see. Short, obnoxious. All you need is a bad haircut.
Carlton: And your ears.

Quote from Carlton

Philip: Well, I'm proud of you, son. Your first job, and you're running the entire operation.
Carlton: That's right, big guy. There aren't too many first year students with my level of savvy and maturity. Fruity Pebbles!
Geoffrey: And there's a little tugboat inside, Ross.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: Well, Geoffrey, this might be a very good experience for both of them.
Geoffrey: Especially Master William, who will discover the joy of working for a Banks.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: I am so frustrated.
Ashley: What's the matter?
Hilary: Mom and I wrote down a bunch of meteorological terms for me to memorize, and I keep screwing them up. Why didn't I become an anchorperson? They don't have to know hardly anything.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Daddy, I just can't stand the idea of people hating me.
Ashley: Hilary, people love to attack celebrities. It's part of the price you pay for being in the public eye.
Hilary: You're right. I'm gonna call someone who's been through this.
Philip: Who's that, honey?
Hilary: Someone who knows what it's like to be hated. [dials phone] Oh, Shannen? Hi. Hilary Banks. You remember that I Hate Brenda thing that you went through? What do you mean you don't know me? You spilled a drink on me at Roxbury. Hello? Hello? Boy, she's not gonna make many friends with that attitude.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Master William, I've never seen you behave so coldly. I like it.
Will: Well, G, a man has got to stand his ground.
Geoffrey: A man also has to work to pay his bills. Otherwise, I'd be out parasailing with these. [holds up a very large pair of tighty whiteys]

Quote from Will

Philip: This is an outrage.
Will: Look, Uncle Phil, I swear that dent was in that car before I hit that mailbox!
Philip: What dent?
Will: Exactly. So, what were you saying?
Philip: Those newsletter bozos put up a big "Honk, if you hate Hilary" billboard right at the corner of Sunset and Doheny.
Will: Oh, damn. That mean they took down the Naughty Nightie girl.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Please don't go. Look, I apologize for performing the Heimlich maneuver on you. I really thought you were choking. [over loudspeaker] And now, to create a more festive mood The Peacock is proud to present music from Hawaii. The entertainment charge has already been added into your check. [luau music plays] [over loudspeaker] Also, we are pleased to announce that the proceeds from our new pay toilets have enabled us to buy this brand new metal detector. Remember, less flatware theft means lower prices for you, our valued consumer.

Quote from Carlton

Jazz: Man, they ought to draw a chalk outline around this place.
Carlton: Hey, Jazz. So, what can I get you? A sandwich? A T-shirt? Peacock-a-cola? I made that one up myself.
Jazz: It shows. Actually, I just came by to see Will.
Carlton: Mr. Smith is no longer employed here.
Jazz: Looks like he took everybody with him too.
Carlton: They didn't leave because of Will. They left because of me. I mean, they just need time to get acclimated to some of my new policies.
Jazz: Phillipe told me you cut the teeth marks off the pickles and reuse them.

Quote from Jazz

Carlton: Look, Jazz, I'm in real trouble. My professor's coming down to check on business. You know a lot of people. Maybe you can bring some of them by.
Jazz: What's in it for me?
Carlton: Well... You know how your pigeons are always getting sick all the time?
Jazz: My babies.
Carlton: I'll pay their vet bill for the rest of the year.
Jazz: Even Oliver? He has a heart murmur.
Carlton: Even Oliver.
Jazz: Be back in an hour.

Quote from Will

Will: [over loudspeaker] Okay, okay. Everybody, listen up. Listen up! As acting manager while Jackie is away, I'd like to announce a few changes. Now, due to the numerous requests, the no tipping policy has been waived. Oh, hello. Don't forget to pick up your applications for the new and exclusive stockroom clerk.
Woman: So you're in charge now, huh, Will?
Will: Oh, sure, you're right. And you know what they say. Behind every successful man, there's a woman. But if you wanted to switch positions, I'm with that too, know what I mean

Quote from Will

Will: Oh, hey. Professor Milligan. How are you doing? Don't tell me. Don't tell me. You're coming down here to swear me in as the new manager. You're making the right choice because as you can see, this place is bumping.
Professor Milligan: Maybe so, but sales aren't. Take a look. You throw a good party, Will, but nobody's spending. I'm afraid you're just not management material.
Will: Wait. Hey, hey. Professor Mil. Hey, listen, listen. You're not gonna let a silly little thing like profits stand in the way of my promotion, are you?
Professor Milligan: I'm sorry, I've already made my decision. I'm bringing in one of the most conscientious freshmen business students for the job. Very meticulous. Bakes me fresh muffins every day.
Will: No. No. No, he's not... [holds out hand a low height]
Professor Milligan: Uh-huh.
Will: [chuckles like Carlton]
Professor Milligan: Uh-huh.
Will: [dances like Carlton]
Professor Milligan: Uh-huh.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: You know, Dad, the best part is, this could be my ticket to Princeton. Professor Milligan says that Ivy League schools look pretty darn favorably on management experience.
Will: How do they feel about guys who still depend on the crossing guard?
Carlton: Hey, that's a dangerous intersection, mister.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Professor Kemp, Professor Meyers.
Professor Kemp: Hey, Will, how are the subs today?
Will: Oh, well, you know, sort of like your lectures. Long, stale and full of baloney. [laughs] I'm stupid. I'm stupid. I just failed, didn't I? Look, check it out, here's a sub on the house.
Professor Kemp: Oh, thank you.
Will: All right. Instant A.

Quote from Will

Will: What up, Dex? Hey, look, man. I saw Donna the other night down at the quad and I told her breaking up with you was the biggest mistake she ever made.
Dex: So she'll see me again?
Will: Oh, no, man, she hates your guts. Hey, but look, there's always more fish in the sea. I should know. They call me Aquaman.

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