Will Smith: Hey, Joe. What's up, man?
Joseph Marcell: Hey, Will. Nice shade.
Will Smith: Oh, no, no. Karyn and Ta, they were just playing. No. Hey. Oh, everybody. Joe Marcell. He plays Geoffrey the butler.
Joseph Marcell: Hello.
Will Smith: Yeah. I was just showing them clips of everybody messing their lines up. But not you, man. You are refined. You British. You special, man. State of the art, boy.
Joseph Marcell: Thank you, Will.
Will Smith: Oh, no. I mean, I'm just saying when you step out on that stage, man, you just get out there and you hit it. Blam!
Joseph Marcell: Blam.
Will Smith: That's right.
Joseph Marcell: Thank you, again, Will.
Will Smith: Yeah, right.

Will Smith: Ha, ha, ha. Boy, you stupid. That boy's so dumb.
Dick Clark: Cut, cut, cut. Hey, Dick Clark, what you doing here, man?
Dick Clark: You're doing a blooper show, aren't you?
Will Smith: Well, yeah.
Dick Clark: Yeah, but you're doing it all wrong. You can't just jump into a blooper show.
Will Smith: Man, what you know about bloopers?
Dick Clark: I think I know a thing or two. Let me, uh... Let me break you off a little something here. First of all, you gotta have a concept.
Will Smith: Okay. Okay. You mean like naked-bikini-model bloopers.
Dick Clark: That's a little off topic. How about something maybe related to the show?
Will Smith: That is exactly why you the king, man.

Will Smith: Whoo! Ha, ha. What's up, y'all? Welcome to backstage. Everybody ain't allowed back here, but I'm hooking y'all up, see? This is where we keep Makeup, Hair, Wardrobe and our dressing rooms and stuff. Oh, you know what? Let's go to James Avery's room. He plays Uncle Phil on the show. Look, look. See? "James Avery." His room number is 1730. I think that's the year he was born. Look at him. Fronting. He know he can't read. Yo, James. What's up, brother? What's going on, man? Hey, say what's up to the people.
James Avery: What's up?
Will Smith: Ha, ha, ha. See? Now, we had all our dressing rooms hooked up to match our personalities, you know? And this here is James' personality. You know, it's like early-American wino. You know, that kind of thing he's got going. You know, look. Oh, you know, he got his Billie Holiday picture up on the wall. A little Charlie "Bird" Parker, you know. Boy, I'm telling you, this man got mad flavor. And, hey, let me tell you, he is a consummate professional.
James Avery: Ha, ha. That's very kind of you. You know what? I don't ever remember that man missing a line.

Will Smith: Boy, I'm telling you right now. Look, see, James' room is fly, right? He got his cabinet here and all this stuff. This is where he keep his shoes and stuff. Yeah, let's see what he got up in here. Boy, I bet Noah could've used one of these Johns. You know what I'm talking about?
James Avery: Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. He's really funny. But you know, Will, ha, ha, ha I really want you out of my room.
[James throws Will out of his dressing room]
Will Smith: I'll see you before the show, James.

Will Smith: Oh, hey. You know, I know. Hey, let's go see what Alfonso's doing in Wardrobe. Here we are. This is Wardrobe. This is where they keep all our clothes and all that kind of stuff. Oh, see? Right here is a pair of Alfonso's pants. Hey, you know... Hey, I think he's in here. Let's go see.
Alfonso Ribeiro: [o.s.] Hey, hey!
Will Smith: Y'all don't wanna see that. Hey, come here, come here, come here. See, now, this is where the wardrobe designers put together all the ideas and stuff like that that they want Alfonso's character to wear. I think this is his favorite.
Alfonso Ribeiro: What do you want, Will? I've gotta get ready for the show.
Will Smith: No, no. Say what's up to everybody, man.
Alfonso Ribeiro: Hello.
Will Smith: No. See, I got everybody, you know, I'm taking them backstage, I'm showing them stuff. All the hush-hush undercover stuff they don't really get to see. We getting prepared for the show. What do you do to get prepared?
Alfonso Ribeiro: Well, I like to go I sit in my dressing room. I take my script, I read it over. Make sure I got my lines right, because you never wanna mess up. It's really-
Will Smith: Yeah. We only got a half hour, though. Look, how about you do the Carlton dance real quick? Do the Carlton dance.
Alfonso Ribeiro: Ha, ha, ha. How about I don't and say I did?
Will Smith: Man, that dance is your trademark. So is overacting.

Will Smith: This is Makeup and Hair, right? This is where we get our, uh, um, makeup and our hair done. This is Karyn and this is Tatyana. They play Hilary and Ashley. Say what's up, y'all.
Karyn Parsons: Hey.
Tatyana Ali: What's up?
Will Smith: See, I'm just showing everybody around, you know. Showing them how we get prepared for the show. Oh, hey, here. Let me put some lipstick on you.
Karyn Parsons: No.
Will Smith: I'm gonna put a little lip-
Karyn Parsons: No. Will.
Will Smith: People are looking. Let me put lipstick-
Karyn Parsons: Will, stop it. Come on.
Will Smith: Here, let me your hair. Let me do your hair.
Karyn Parsons: No. Why don't you go bug Ta? Go ahead.
Tatyana Ali: Don't bug Ta.
Will Smith: Let me put some lipstick on.
Tatyana Ali: Will, be careful with that, please.
Will Smith: I just wanna put some lipstick on you.
Tatyana Ali: No, Will, that's a really bright color, okay?
Will Smith: Think they tripping now you should see them when they be messing their lines all up.

Tatyana Ali: You completely messed me up. I looked over and you had this vacant look in your eyes. I remember it.
Karyn Parsons: I was the one that wanted to go home. But don't blame me for you messing up. That was the fifth take.
Tatyana Ali: Me, messing up?
Will Smith: Excuse me.
Tatyana Ali: What?
Will Smith: I'm just trying to figure out why I couldn't put some lipstick on somebody.
Karyn Parsons: What is this thing about lipstick you got going on?
Will Smith: All right. We've known each other for six years. I should be able to put daggone lipstick on you.
Karyn Parsons: You got a lipstick thing going on.
Will Smith: You're disrespecting me in company.
Tatyana Ali: We have known each other for six years. I think it's his turn for lipstick. He's never gotten any.
Karyn Parsons: Have a seat.
Will Smith: Why y'all getting all strong?
Karyn Parsons: His eyebrows need plucking.
Tatyana Ali: Oh, his eyebrows.
Karyn Parsons: Yes.
Will Smith: Don't be tweezing my eyebrows.

Will Smith: I guess all that British stuff went right out the window, huh? Ha, ha.
Joseph Marcell: I'm an actor, not a machine.
Will Smith: Yeah, whatever. Just lose the phony accent.

Will Smith: Well, I just have to say there's not another group of people that I would rather be in this kind of circle with a hundred and forty-nine some-odd times. [mumurs of agreement]
Alfonso Ribeiro: Ditto.
Will Smith: Oh, ditto. Even though James takes up most of the circle...
James Avery: As well I should.
Will Smith: Oh, let's go out there and let's just have some fun. Give me some!

Will Smith: Yo, now, that was a funny show. I enjoyed seeing them guys mess up. And trust me, they mess up a lot.
Dick Clark: But, Will, we didn't get to see your bloopers.
Will Smith: Uh... Pssh. We out of time, though, man.
Dick Clark: Wait. No, no, no. Wait. Will, we got lots of time. Trust me. Roll them.