Vivian: Oh, Hilary. What is this?
Philip: Hilary's marrying Trevor.
Vivian: Oh, come on. Don't tease me.
Hilary: Mother, it's true.
Carlton: When did he propose?
Hilary: This morning, as he was leaving the pool house. I mean, this morning on the phone.
Will: You certainly ain't wasting no time getting a gown.
Hilary: Mom and Dad bought this for me when I hit puberty.
Vivian: One down, three to go.

Carlton: I can't believe she's gonna marry that jerk.
Philip: Trevor's not a jerk. He's a superficial, self-centered, TelePrompTer-reading airhead.
Will: Sounds like a match to me.

Cable Guy: So if you take package D, you get basic cable three premiums and the Lust Channel.
Will: Carlton, how you feel about the Lust Channel?
Carlton: I think it's 24 hours of shallow, pointless nudity.
Will: You heard the bird. We'll take it.
Cable Guy: You'll be hooked up tomorrow. Thank you, Mr. Smith.
Will: You heard that right. Mr. Smith. This boy's getting some respect around here.

Will: I'm just calling Jazz, invite a couple of people over. You know, to christen the new crib. Is there anyone in particular you'd like to invite?
Carlton: I don't keep friends. In time of war, they can be tortured and give up valuable secrets about you.
Will: I was talking about your Miss Lady Peacock.
Carlton: Are you nuts? I'm not bringing her within a hundred yards of you.
Will: What? Carlton, I'm your cousin, man.
Carlton: The cousin who stole every woman I ever had.
Will: Oh, please, I stole one girl.
Carlton: My point exactly.

Will: Hey, my brother, can I help you?
Man: Yeah, man, this is where the party at?
Will: What party, man?
Man: The party we paid $25 apiece to go to. Say, where's En Vogue?
Will: Hey, my brother, I think you got the wrong crib, man.
Man: This is apartment 206, right?
Will: Well, yeah, man, but it ain't no party.
Man: Read it and weep, man.
Will: "It's the rump-baking, booty-shaking don't miss the mix in apartment 206." This is Jazz's handwriting.
Mike: How do you know?
Will: All the letters is cut out of magazines.

Jackie: Maybe I better leave too.
Carlton: No, don't. I went and got us some dinner from Chez Paul. Filet mignon?
Jackie: Thanks, but I don't eat red meat.
Carlton: I'll give it up too.
Jackie: No need, bird man.
Carlton: Jacqueline, how about a dance before you go to christen the new crib.
Jackie: It'd be my first dance with a brother from Bel-Air.
Carlton: Better take the opportunity. There aren't too many of us.

Jackie: What is this anyway?
Carlton: Bobby Vinton, the Polish Prince. Well, I have some Manilow if you prefer.
Jackie: No, the Polish Prince will do just fine.

Ashley: Hi, Daddy. Bye, Daddy.
Philip: Whoa, precious. Where you going?
Ashley: To the mall. See you.
Philip: Hold it. Sweetheart, come here. Today is Saturday, baby. Why don't you and I do something together.
Ashley: Like what?
Philip: Like, we could go to the mall.
Ashley: Daddy, all my friends are at the mall. Do you know what would happen if I showed up with my father?
Philip: What? Be banned for life from The Gap?

Will: [on the phone] No, Mom. No, school don't start for another week. Oh, yeah, the apartment is great. Yes, it's in a safe neighborhood, Ma. Oh, check it out. The candy store actually sells candy. Yeah, Mom, I know how proud you are of me that I'm going to college. [getting emotional] Come on, don't do this, Mom. You know how this affects me. Well, yeah, it's like a dream come true for both of us. I love you too, Mommy. Bye-bye. [whimpers]

Carlton: See, one of my duties as mascot is to walk around and greet people on campus. So I'm doing my thing, and this wise guy starts messing with my plumage. Then she came to my rescue. Five feet, 11 inches of feminine firepower. [chuckles] I bet she could toss me around this room.
Will: Hope it works out for you, buddy.
Carlton: Oh, Will, she's crazy about me.
Will: What makes you think that?
Carlton: Get this, she said she's looking forward to seeing me again.
Will: So?
Carlton: So no one's ever said that to me except my dentist. You were right, Will. We're on our own three hours and my life's already taken a turn for the better.
Will: Well, let freedom ring.