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‘Where There's a Will, There's a Way (Part 1)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Where There's a Will, There's a Way (Part 1)

401. Where There's a Will, There's a Way (Part 1)

Aired September 20, 1993

Uncle Phil starts to feel like an empty nester as Will and Carlton prepare to move out for college. After they get settled in, Carlton thinks he's met the woman of his dreams, Jackie (Tyra Banks).

Quote from Philip

Philip: Excuse me. Is this what you've been telling my boy?
Will: What?
Philip: That life is one big orgy.
Will: [high-pitched] I never said-
Philip: College is hard work, son. Followed by a family, which is even more hard work. And a teenage daughter who doesn't wanna be seen with you in public. And a wife, a wife who won't let you anywhere near her. And a butler, a butler who may be the father of your child. And a gardener, a gardener-
Carlton: Dad! Dad!

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Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Oh, Philip, you all right? You look like you're in shock.
Philip: Shock? Oh, no, it figures.
Hilary: Oh, here's the best part. I asked Trevor to officially propose to me during his Slice of L.A. segment on tomorrow's news. That way, all of Los Angeles can share in our happiness. [Hilary empties a vase and throws the bouquet back, which Carlton catches]
Philip: Hilary, sweetheart I think there may be a question that you should ask yourself.
Hilary: I already did. I'm going to register at Tiffany's.
Philip: No, no, sweetheart. Are you in love with Trevor?
Hilary: What's love got to do with it? I'm having a wedding.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Will, honey, you and Carlton will look out for each other, won't you?
Will: Come on, absolutely, Aunt Viv. We got each other's back.
Vivian: Great, great, great. You two just be careful. There are a lot of sick, demented perverts out there.
Jazz: [enters] Greetings, all.
Vivian: Hello, Jazz.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: I'll have my breakfast in the family room, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: I'll get the wheelbarrow, sir.

Quote from Philip

Philip: What's your name, son?
Boy: [hands over a card] This.
Philip: This is a stick with a snake wrapped around it.
Boy: It's a symbol, like Prince.
Philip: Prince who?
Boy: See, that's exactly why fathers ain't allowed at the mall.
[Philip picks up a pen and draws on the card]
Boy: What's this thing?
Philip: It's a symbol for [shouts] "get out of my house!"
Ashley: Daddy, I love him!
Geoffrey: Keep it up, sir and I'll be all you have left.

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Philip, did you get too close?
Philip: I don't know, Vivian, is four feet too close?
Vivian: Nicky, honey, Daddy won't hurt you.
Philip: What is about me that baby doesn't like? Is it my beard? Because if it is, I'll shave it off right now.
Vivian: Don't you dare. I love the way that beard feels.
Philip: Hmm. I'm surprised you remember.
Vivian: Sweetheart, it hasn't been that long since we've made love, has it?
Geoffrey: Five months this Tuesday. Thin walls.
Vivian: I'm sorry, honey. I'll make it better, I promise.
Philip: I hope so. There are priests laughing at me.

Quote from Will

Will: D.J. Nicky, Nicky, Nicky. Nick in the house. Get up. Oh, man. Aunt Viv, this kid is sprouting. Hey, you know, another month, he'll be bigger than Carlton.
Vivian: I cannot believe that you and Carlton are moving into your own place. Seems like just yesterday when I was wiping the tears from his eyes.
Will: No, no, that was yesterday. I told you that boy wasn't ready for Jurassic Park yet.

Quote from Jazz

Vivian: Here, Will. Thank you, Jazz, very much. It's a baby pillow. Isn't it beautiful.
Will: Oh, yeah. Jazz, this thing says "Wendy Beth" on it.
Jazz: So? When you buy a wallet, doesn't it have someone else's picture in it first?
Will: Jazz, you stole this pillow.
Jazz: It's the thought that counts.
[Will throws Jazz out of the house, followed by the pillow]

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Kendrick Petroleum up three and an eighth. What did I tell you?
Philip: You called it, son. Vectrocomp Industries down third day in a row.
Carlton: The merger killed them.
Philip: Yeah. Good thing we got out when we did, huh? I'm gonna miss you, son.
Carlton: Did you say something, Dad?
Philip: I don't want you to move out.
Carlton: Sorry, Dad, I have to go.
Philip: No, you don't.
Carlton: Will says I do. He says it's time for me to leave the nest, become independent and have sex with girls. Safe sex, mind you, but lots of it.

Quote from Philip

Carlton: Hey, Will. Will, I can't bear to see him like this.
Philip: That's why we moving, so we don't have to.
Carlton: Well, look at him. He needs me.
Philip: No, I don't. I don't need either one of you. There is a silver lining in my dark cloud. Hilary.
Will: I'm sorry, Hilary Banks?
Philip: You know, fate works in mysterious ways. For years, I've been trying to get her to move out of the house and now when I'm gonna be alone, she is my salvation. So you two, you two go on with your little lives. My Hilary needs me.
Hilary: Okay, everybody, guess what. Okay, I can see you're stumped. I'm getting married. To Trevor.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Oh, Hilary. What is this?
Philip: Hilary's marrying Trevor.
Vivian: Oh, come on. Don't tease me.
Hilary: Mother, it's true.
Carlton: When did he propose?
Hilary: This morning, as he was leaving the pool house. I mean, this morning on the phone.
Will: You certainly ain't wasting no time getting a gown.
Hilary: Mom and Dad bought this for me when I hit puberty.
Vivian: One down, three to go.

Quote from Will

Carlton: I can't believe she's gonna marry that jerk.
Philip: Trevor's not a jerk. He's a superficial, self-centered, TelePrompTer-reading airhead.
Will: Sounds like a match to me.

Quote from Will

Cable Guy: So if you take package D, you get basic cable three premiums and the Lust Channel.
Will: Carlton, how you feel about the Lust Channel?
Carlton: I think it's 24 hours of shallow, pointless nudity.
Will: You heard the bird. We'll take it.
Cable Guy: You'll be hooked up tomorrow. Thank you, Mr. Smith.
Will: You heard that right. Mr. Smith. This boy's getting some respect around here.

Quote from Carlton

Will: I'm just calling Jazz, invite a couple of people over. You know, to christen the new crib. Is there anyone in particular you'd like to invite?
Carlton: I don't keep friends. In time of war, they can be tortured and give up valuable secrets about you.
Will: I was talking about your Miss Lady Peacock.
Carlton: Are you nuts? I'm not bringing her within a hundred yards of you.
Will: What? Carlton, I'm your cousin, man.
Carlton: The cousin who stole every woman I ever had.
Will: Oh, please, I stole one girl.
Carlton: My point exactly.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, my brother, can I help you?
Man: Yeah, man, this is where the party at?
Will: What party, man?
Man: The party we paid $25 apiece to go to. Say, where's En Vogue?
Will: Hey, my brother, I think you got the wrong crib, man.
Man: This is apartment 206, right?
Will: Well, yeah, man, but it ain't no party.
Man: Read it and weep, man.
Will: "It's the rump-baking, booty-shaking don't miss the mix in apartment 206." This is Jazz's handwriting.
Mike: How do you know?
Will: All the letters is cut out of magazines.

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