Hilary: "You're at a friend's house for Christmas dinner and you find a dead cockroach in your salad. What do you do?"
Vivian: I eat around it, because cockroaches go straight to my thighs.
Ashley: I'd switch plates with Carlton.

Vivian: Ashley's right. Take us for example. We enter the club tennis tournament every year just for the fun of it. And just because we win, doesn't make it any more fun.
Ashley: Exactly. Of course, we don't have losing to compare it to.
Vivian: You go, girl.

Vivian: Ash, honey, a quick tip. When that little round yellow fuzzy thing comes at you, take a swipe at it.
Ashley: I'm sorry, Mom. I guess I couldn't hear it coming. Your outfit was too loud.
Philip: Ladies, ladies, whatever happened to teamwork?
Vivian: Ashley, you're my daughter and I love you.
Philip: That's better.
Vivian: But if you double fault one more time, I am going to put you up for adoption.
Ashley: Great, maybe then I'll wind up with a mother who can hit a decent backhand.
Vivian: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
Ashley: Well, let me say it louder then.

Vivian: What time is Jameson getting here?
Philip: What are you wearing, Vivian?
Vivian: Excuse me?
Philip: That red blouse. That's Jameson's bad-luck color.
Vivian: Well, this happens to be my favorite blouse so he can just go find himself another bad-luck color.
Will: Maybe he can pick one out of Uncle Phil's pants.