Geoffrey: Sir, about Saturday's menu, shall I prepare the same meal you had at your wedding?
Will: G, how's he supposed to remember what he had for dinner 25 years ago?
Philip: Well, we started out with some chicken pot pie and, oh, some delicious coleslaw. And then there was some really, really great baked beans, with, what, what, molasses. And for dessert, we had a big huge chunk of chocolate devil's food cake. Mmm. I'm guessing.
Geoffrey: If only that power could be used for good.

Ashley: Hey, I didn't know Mom was a ventriloquist. Look at that funny-Iooking little dummy on her knee.
Will: Ashley, that's Carlton.

Minister: Vivian Banks, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Vivian: With all my heart.
Minister: And do you, Philip Banks, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Philip: No, I don't.
Carlton: What?
Philip: I take her for much more than that. For my lover my life companion my very best friend.
Vivian: Oh, Philip.
Minister: May I have the ring, please?
Hilary: Here it is, Daddy.
Will: I got one for you right here, buddy.
Philip: Thanks, kids, but... Look, Vivian, there's something I have to tell you. I lost my wedding ring.
Vivian: You mean this one?
Philip: You found it!
Vivian: Yeah, I took it to have it inscribed. See, look. "To a hundred years more."
Minister: Now you may kiss the bride.

Carlton: Any luck with the ring, Dad?
Philip: No, but don't worry about it, I figured it out. In the middle of the ceremony, I'll fake a heart attack.
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil, it didn't work on your wedding night and it ain't going to work now.

Philip: Where's your mother? Her breakfast is getting cold.
Hilary: She's not eating. Not until she can fit into her old wedding gown.
Philip: Oh, that's ridiculous. You wouldn't expect me to fit into a pair of pants I wore 25 years ago.
Will: Or 25 days ago, for that matter.

Philip: I cannot believe I wore that ring every day for 25 years and the day before my anniversary, I lose it.
Hilary: Okay, now, just think. Maybe it will help if you remember what you were doing when you lost it.
Philip: I was eating.
Will: Oof, that narrows it down.

Jazz: Greetings, all. I guess my invitation to the wedding rerun was misplaced. But I thought I'd come by anyway. I'm guessing the bride won't be wearing white.
Will: Jazz, the ceremony isn't till tomorrow, man.
Jazz: Then I'll be spending the night. I hear the pool house has a delightful northern exposure. Hilary, woman, draw me a bath.
Hilary: I wouldn't draw you a cartoon.

[As Uncle Phil dances in front of the baby]
Will: Earthquake! ... is a dance, and apparently you know it.

Philip: Exceptional buns, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Thank you, sir.
Will: Yes, I think he's been doing the StairMaster.

Philip: You know, she has nothing to worry about. She's as beautiful as the day I married her. Which is why I'm going to renew our vows this Saturday.
Hilary: That is so romantic. I wish I could find a guy to lie to me like that.