Will: Sorry I'm late but after I left church, I went down and read some books to the elderly.
Lisa: Don't overdo it, honey. Will, this is my Dad. Daddy, this is Will.
Augustus: Hello.
Will: Whoa. How you doing? Hear that deep voice? Like James Earl Jones. "This is CNN."

Augustus: Now, let's talk about my daughter.
Will: Look, it's like I told you on the ground, man, you know I just like being with her.
Augustus: Wrong answer.
[Will screams as Augustus flips the plane over]
Augustus: You might as well admit it, boy, you're like a squirrel trying to get a nut. Let me ask you a question. How many times did you put those rusty, crusty lips on my daughter?
Will: With all due respect, sir, I think that's between me and Lisa.
Augustus: Wrong again.
[Will screams as August rocks the plane from side to side]
Will: Okay, you win. I'll just cancel our weekend in Palm Springs.
Augustus: Why the hell would I want to go to Palm Springs with you?
Will: Not you, Lisa.

Philip: I'm Philip Banks. We got here soon as we could. Have you found my nephew yet?
Ranger: Good news. We found the plane. It's totaled.
All: What?
Philip: That's good news?
Ranger: Uh-huh. See, your nephew wasn't in it.
Ashley: Well, where is he?
Ranger: If I knew that, I'd be working for the Psychic Friends Network.
Lisa: Look, that is my boyfriend and my father out there.
Ranger: So you're gonna be twice as upset if they're dead, huh?
Ashley: Now, you listen here, Mr. Park-Ranger-Psychic-Friends-Network-freak. You get out there and find my cousin now!

Will: Oh, I don't believe this. We wasted four hours traveling around this stupid mountain.
Augustus: Why don't you quit bellyaching and try to come up with some ideas of your own.
Will: Oh, well, maybe I'll just do that. Okay, okay, okay. All right, the sun sets in the west, right? Okay. All right. And moss only grows on the north side of the trees.
Augustus: Stop spouting all that witchcraft. All we got to do is just stay put. I'm sure they're out there looking for me.
Will: Not if they know you.

Will: Well, you know, we had a little engine trouble and we went down. But it was the best thing could have happened to us. Yeah, we landed kind of in this wooded glade, you know near this bubbling brook. Kind of looked like the beer commercials. Except there wasn't no naked honeys. There wasn't no beer. Oh, but you know what? I don't know if it was the beauty of the area or just being outdoors, but we kind of bonded.
Lisa: But why didn't he come back with you?
Will: Look, I could not tear him away. I told him we could walk down this brook, take us back to civilization. But he said, "No, you go on without me I wanna stay here and be at one with nature." You can't be at one when you two. So I jetted.
Lisa: Really?
Will: You know what? I'm telling you, your father is a changed man. He said we should go to Palm Springs and enjoy ourselves.
Lisa: You mean he actually said that we could go?
Will: He insisted.

Will: Baby, now, say those words that you know send chills up my spine.
Lisa: I want you to meet my father.
Will: What you talking about, girl?
Lisa: Well, baby, he and I are very close. And before you and I get any closer I think that you should meet him.
Will: That's cool. I'll meet him when we come back from Palm Springs. Oh, check it out. I got us the Wilt Chamberlain suite. With the electronic scoreboard over the bed and everything.
Lisa: Well, before you and I get into a little one on one you're gonna have to talk to the head coach.
Will: Well, I'm saying, what if he ain't playing off the same playbook I am?
Lisa: Well, then we're gonna have to call a time-out.
Will: Hey, hey, don't be using my analogy against me.
Lisa: Come on, baby. I'm just not gonna be comfortable going unless I know that my father approves of you. As if there's anything not to approve of. [she kisses Will]
Will: Oh, not the ears, baby. All right, I'll talk to your daddy. Keep doing that, we're gonna have to dig up his daddy, I'll talk to him too.

Lisa: Well, I've got to get to class. I want you guys to enjoy each other.
Augustus: So how's the grub here, Wilbur?
Will: Well, we've only had two food-related deaths in the past month.
Augustus: I didn't read about that. You must be doing a good job as a manager to keep something like that quiet.
Will: Uh... Well, actually my cousin Carlton is the manager, you know. I'm pretty much just...
Augustus: Trying to score with my daughter.
Will: Sir?
Augustus: It's a joke. I'm joking. I'm pulling your leg. [Will laughs uproariously]

Augustus: You know what, I like you.
Will: You do?
Augustus: Yeah. But I'm out of time. I've got to fly to San Francisco on some business. Why don't we just finish this interview next week.
Will: Ooh, ooh, ooh. Hey, sir. You know, I actually was hoping that I could get your approval by this weekend.
Augustus: What's the rush?
Will: Oh, no rush. You know, I just hate to leave things unfinished, you know. I'm very meticulous like that.
Augustus: "Meticulous." Hey, now that's a word you don't run into every day. Say, why don't you fly to Frisco with me? You can help me with my vocabulary.
Will: Fly?
Augustus: You ain't scared, are you?
Will: Me, scared? [scoffs] Hell, no.

Augustus: Hey, Wilbur, you didn't finish your Buffalo wings.
Will: Uh, I can't eat any more.
Augustus: Sure you can. Just put some hot sauce on there.
Will: No, thank you.
Augustus: Boy, what are you saying? You better put some Red Rooster on there.
Will: Look... Hey, do you think you could just land the plane, you know and I'll just walk back to L.A.
Augustus: Oh, flying upside down makes you a little queasy, doesn't it, boy?
Will: Well, no I'm not a... [vomits]
Augustus: I'll take that as a yes.

Augustus: You taking my baby girl to Palm Springs? Oh, no, no, no. Boy, I'm really mad now. Uh-oh. The engine's dead.
Will: What? Yeah. Oh, so I guess we're going down, huh?
Augustus: Faster than a bucket of chicken at Oprah's.
Will: Oh, so I should probably just confess all the nasty things I've done with your daughter, huh? Especially seeing as how in any second now we're gonna be splattering all over those mountains there. Let me tell you, I'm from Philly you've gotta wake up pretty early in the morning to get me with some old....
[When Will turns to his side, Augustus is nowhere to be seen]
Will: Mr. Adams? Mr. Adams? Mr. Adams? [screams]