Carlton: Hey, Will, what's going on?
Will: Oh, Lisa's coming over. We're gonna watch a couple action-adventure flicks tonight. Maybe if I get lucky we'll have a little action adventure of our own. You know what I'm saying?
Carlton: So, what movies did you rent, Casanova?
Will: Oh, we got Terminator 2, Lethal Weapon 3 and, my personal favorite, Maniac Cop VII.
Carlton: Sounds like a romantic evening. What's Lisa going to do?
Will: Lookie here, lookie here, Spanky. Now, I'm the man. You see what I'm saying? I'm the Man-dingo. Lisa will watch what I tell her to watch and she will enjoy it. And that, as they say, is that. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's about to get X-rated in here. You know what I mean? [Carlton exits]
Lisa: Hey, baby.
Will: Hey! What's up girl?
Lisa: So, what movies did you get? Terms of Endearment, Fried Green Tomatoes and The Joy Luck Club. Shall I get us some hankies?

Carlton: Well, while you're wallowing in your sordid filth of a life I'll be pursuing some culture. I bought tickets to The Jeffersons live on stage. It includes dinner with Sherman Hemsley and an autograph picture of both Lionels.
Will: Swell. That will go great with your Weezy collectible cups.

Ranger: Don't worry, we've got the best in modern equipment. I'll send out a search party immediately.
Hilary: Look, a party sounds like a lot of fun, but can we please find Will first?

Geoffrey: Oh, and sir, the limbo bar is set at three feet when you're ready.
Philip: Excellent. [exits]
Geoffrey: He couldn't make that lying flat on his back.

Will: Okay, look, look. We just got to get down from here, man.
Augustus: Let me tell you what you gotta do, boy. You gotta get your "mominimum" and knock me out of this tree.
Will: Mominimum?
Augustus: Don't you understand English, boy? Mominimum. Now, knock me out of this damn tree.

[After Philip enters the kitchen in a plain red shirt and shorts]
Will: Hey, Kool-Aid!
Philip: I got your Kool-Aid, all right?
Ashley: Daddy, you look so good. You are gonna be a hit at the Bahamas.
Philip: I can't wait to see your mother down there. I've been practicing my limbo.
Ashley: I don't know, Dad, that limbo bar gets as low as 13 inches.
Will: Wow, Carlton, you could just walk right under.

Augustus: You see these pictures? That's my baby. There's nothing in the world I won't do for her.
Will: And I really respect that, sir. And if you don't mind me saying so, that is a lovely picture of your wife. I see where Lisa gets her good looks from.
Augustus: That's not my wife. That's my sister-in-law Cecilia. She's so ugly, she'd make an onion cry.
Will: Actually, I was being polite. She is a dog. [barks] Hey, hey, she's so ugly, she could make a freight train take a dirt road. It'd be like...
Augustus: You talking about my family, boy?
Will: Um... Well, no, I just figured you... You was so...

Carlton: Oh, this is a tragedy.
Ashley: Oh, Don't worry, Carlton. I'm sure everything's gonna be okay.
Carlton: Okay? I'm missing The Jeffersons live on stage. Right now I bet George is calling somebody a jive turkey.

Ashley: What are you so happy about?
Will: Oh, I just made the weekend reservations at Palm Springs for me and Lisa.
Hilary: Lisa? You've been seeing a lot of her lately.
Will: Oh, yeah, and if it goes the way I plan I'll be seeing the rest of her this weekend, you know what I'm saying?
Carlton: Have you no shame?
Will: Yeah, I'm ashamed of you.

Carlton: Will's shacking up with some girl in Palm Springs. You're gonna get it now, mister.
Philip: Have fun.
Carlton: Wait. Is that all you're gonna say to him?
Philip: Am I paying for your little trip?
Carlton: Well, no.
Philip: Five up top.