Will: Carlton, I'm not asking again, where is he?
Carlton: Will, cool your jets, mister. You're all over the map.
Will: [grabs Carlton's neck] Carlton, where is he? Where is he?
Carlton: I think he went to go get his suitcase repaired.
Will: What are you talking about?
Carlton: Well, he's gone and so is his suitcase. That's the only logical explanation.
Will: Carlton, man, he left. Come on, we gotta stop him.
Carlton: Fine, but you're only gonna be making a fool of yourself. Frederick is trustworthy. [notices] Hey, my bowler's gone. That limey thief.

Geoffrey: What's going on?
Frederick: I came here to give you this.
Geoffrey: I don't understand.
Will: [high-pitched voice] Will, I thought you said we was going out tonight? [normal voice] Here I come, y'all.
Geoffrey: Well, Frederick?
Frederick: I came here to scam money from the father I never knew. But somewhere along the way I realized I can't do this. I suppose I'm not the son you thought I was.
Geoffrey: I had no expectations. Until yesterday, I didn't even know I had a son. But you knew you had a father whom you'd never met. Frederick, what you did was not out of malice towards me, it was out of confusion and anger.
Frederick: So you forgive me?
Geoffrey: That is what fathers do.

Will: See, now this is called the-severed-finger-in-a-box trick. See, you just slide your finger up in the bottom and then voila.
Nicky: Cool.
Carlton: [enters] Good morning, everyone.
Will: Hey, what's up, C? [to Nicky] Watch and learn. Hey, Carlton, what's up, man? You know, I was out so I picked a little something up for you.
Carlton: Will, how sweet. [screams as Will opens the box] Ha, ha, ha.
Will: [Carlton slams the box shut] Ow!

Nicky: Let's get Geoffrey.
Will: I don't know. I'll give it a try but I've been trying to get G for years, he don't fall for nothing.
Will: Hey, G. You know, man, I was out and I was thinking about you, you know so I picked a little something up for you. [Geoffrey is silent as Will opens the box]
Frederick: I'm looking for Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: I'm Geoffrey.
Frederick: Then you must be my father.
[Geoffrey passes out]
Nicky: Well, he fell for that.

Frederick: You know, Father, being in service is something I've always dreamed of. Uh, may I?
Geoffrey: Certainly, son. "Son." I do like the sound of that.
Frederick: I know I can't match your expertise.
Geoffrey: I owe it all to my training at the Cambridge Academy of Butlering.
Frederick: Ah, to be a CAB grad and wear the school colors, black and white.
Geoffrey: Perhaps one day we can work together.
Frederick: No. CAB is very expensive. No, it's a dream that shall never be.
Nicky: I wanna be a butler too.
Philip: No, you don't.

Will: Yo, Freddy Boom-Boom, man, we about-
Frederick: Oh, hello, I was just looking for your bathroom.
Will: What you got there, man?
Frederick: Pardon me?
Will: [checks his super secret stash] Give me my money, man.
Frederick: I don't know what you're talking about.
Will: Hey, you took my money out from under that plant. Give it here.
Frederick: I have no idea what you're referring to.
Will: Let me see if we can jog your memory up in here. [closes door]
Frederick: Fine. What were you going to do? Beat me up?
Will: Oh, no. I'm about to beat you down.

Will: Boy, let me tell you. You are so lucky that you Geoffrey's son.
Frederick: Ah. I'm glad it finally comes in handy for something.
Will: Hey, don't be talking about your pop like that.
Frederick: Oh, my father of two days? Your servant?
Will: Oh, I thought you wanted to be just like him.
Frederick: Oh, please. Me be a butler, serving the likes of you?
Will: Now you made it personal.
Frederick: Go ahead, hit me.
Will: No. That's too easy. I'm gonna tell your father what kind of son he has.
Frederick: Go ahead, break his heart.

Geoffrey: Frederick, finding out that you are my son has been one of the greatest joys of my life. And knowing that you wish to follow in my footsteps has made me a very happy man. So if you wish to go to the Academy...
Frederick: Oh, Father, more than anything.
Geoffrey: Perhaps this check for your tuition will show you how I feel.
Will: Oh. Oh! Whoa!
Carlton: You're going to make a blooming good butler. Ow!

Carlton: Pip-pip. Cheerio.