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‘Talking Turkey’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Talking Turkey

112. Talking Turkey

Aired November 19, 1990

When Will's mother, Vy (Vernee Watson), comes to town for Thanksgiving, she thinks the kids have it too easy.

Quote from Vy

Vy: Look at my boy. You really have changed.
Will: Yeah, I'm handsome.
Vy: No, you haven't changed. I hope he's not eating you out of house and home?
Vivian: Not at all.
Vy: [to Phil] He's certainly not taking any food out of your mouth.
Philip: Starting already. I don't believe it.
Will: [laughs] That's a good one, Mama. I got to use that one.
Vy: No, you don't make fun of your uncle. That's my job.

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Quote from Vy

Vy: Well, honey, I don't mean to be critical but I don't like what I saw today. Will's got a bunch of grown men doing all the work he should be doing. I haven't seen him lift a finger except to scratch his head.
Vivian: You're not being fair, Vy. Will works very hard at his homework.
Vy: Back home, Will did his homework, mowed the lawn, raked the leaves and cleared the table. I don't think a little work around the house is gonna interfere with his education. From what I see, all he's learning is how to be a rich kid.
Vivian: Philip and I just want Will to have the same advantages that our kids have. I mean, isn't that why you sent him out here?
Vy: I sent him out here to stay out of trouble and get a good education. But, Vivian, I also taught that boy the value of hard work and I don't want him to lose that. All I know is the kids in this house are getting a free ride. A free ride in a fancy car. But I don't mean to be critical.

Quote from Vy

Hilary: What should I do with these bowls?
Vy: Just put them in the dishwasher.
Hilary: Here? [Carlton shrugs his shoulders]
Ashley: Well, let's just take them up to Geoffrey's room. He'll know what to do with them.
Vy: Lord, have mercy. Just leave them here. I'll take care of them. Now, go on. Honestly, I've never seen such a lazy bunch in my life and I work at the post office.

Quote from Vy

Vivian: How's everything at the post office?
Vy: They made me a supervisor.
Vivian: That's wonderful.
Vy: Honey, they make everybody at the post office a supervisor. You practically have to eat the mail not to get promoted.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: "And so the men and women of Plymouth Colony sat at a long table with their new-found Indian friends to celebrate the first Thanksgiving. And at the head of the table, the leader of the pilgrims folded his hands, bowed his head and said--"
Will: [sings] Oh do me baby Do the humpty hump Do the humpty hump Oh dooo doo Do-o-o-o whoo
Geoffrey: And then the village idiot interrupted the prayer ruining the feast for one and all.

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Will, I bet you can't wait till your mom gets here.
Will: Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot for flying her out, Aunt Viv.
Vivian: We had to convince her to accept the ticket. She never lets us spend a penny on her.
Philip: Apparently, that's not a genetic trait.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Now, for Thanksgiving do you want to try something different or the traditional turkey?
Hilary: Mother, I have a big problem with turkey.
Ashley: What's wrong with it?
Hilary: Ashley, honey, from the moment they are hatched to the moment they're shrink-wrapped, turkeys are raised to be food, and nothing but food.
Will: Hilary, sweetheart, I don't think too many of them had aspirations to be doctors or lawyers.

Quote from Will

Will: All right, these are your assignments. I'll do the turkey. Ashley, you do the cranberry sauce. Carlton, you do the stuffing. Hilary, you do the yams and the rolls.
Hilary: Oh, I get two things? Why don't you just put a yoke around my neck and hitch me to a plow?
Will: [laughs] Hilary, I don't think it would be the worst thing in the world if you guys did some work around here. I mean, you guys are getting a fancy ride. A fancy ride in a free car.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Boy, holiday traffic is starting already. People are in such a lousy mood. I learned five new words on the way home.
Ashley: Did you know what they meant?
Philip: I think so, Ashley. They were accompanied by very helpful hand gestures.

Quote from Vy

Carlton: Aunt Vi.
Vy: Oh, my goodness, aren't you handsome? And looking less and less like your daddy every day.
Carlton: Ouch. Run for cover, Dad.
Will: Where's he going to hide at?

Quote from Vy

Philip: Vy, this is Geoffrey. Geoffrey, my sister-in-law, Mrs. Smith.
Geoffrey: How do you do?
Vy: I'm fine, thank you.
Will: Mom, check this. [clears throat] Geoffrey, take my mom's bags to her room. [Vy slaps Will's head] Ow, Mom. What did I do?
Vy: You can take those bags yourself. That man is twice your age. Even though he doesn't look it. Well, at least take the heavy one. Now go on.
Will: But, Mom-
Vy: You heard me.
Geoffrey: After you, Master William.

Quote from Vy

Vy: Ooh, that cobbler was delicious. I swear, the person that invented the elastic waistband should get the Nobel Prize. [to Phil] You know what I mean-
Philip: Don't start.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Do you know what my sister just said? You are not gonna believe this. She said that our kids are spoiled.
Philip: [scoffs] News flash.
Vivian: You mean you agree with her?
Philip: Vivian, I am the who says they should do more work around the house. You're the one who's too easy on them.
Vivian: Oh, really? Does this sound familiar? "Daddy, I need $300."
Philip: You don't have to get personal.

Quote from Hilary

Ashley: Mommy, didn't we just have a fire drill last week?
Vivian: This is not a drill.
Hilary: It's a fire? Oh, my God, I'm going back for my new suede boots and don't try to stop me.
Will: While you're up there, get my lucky drawers!

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Carlton's right, Mom. This stuff about us working could really wait. I mean, it has a real New Year's resolution feel to it.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: I do not want to discuss this. Since when do I have to ask you twice?
Ashley: Every time, Mommy.
Vivian: Well, not this time. Now, you've got 15 minutes to get up, get dressed, and get back down here. Move it!
Will: Come on, Aunt Viv, instead of doing all this work, shouldn't I be spending some time with my mom? I mean, she sees me so little and I'm growing so fast.
Vivian: Don't even try that Prince Charming stuff. Your mother did not send you out here on vacation. And so far, you've been getting a free ride. A free ride in a fancy car. And if you really want to do something nice for your mother, why don't you show her you can do some work here?
Will: But, Aunt Viv-
Vivian: [slaps the back of Will's head] No discussion.
Will: Do you realize there's a bump forming back there?

Quote from Will

Will: That's a good idea. Save lots of room. Because we have a turkey roasted to perfection by yours truly. Would you do the honors, Uncle Phil?
Philip: Why, certainly. It's frozen inside.
Vivian: Will?
Will: I'm sorry. I thawed it as much I could. What am I supposed to do, sit on it all day?

Quote from Vy

Vivian: Let's see what food we can throw together.
Vy: I know, 'cause Bigfoot is growling. Honestly, that dinner was a disaster!
Vivian: That's not true. Mr. Fellows is out there drinking his second cup of stuffing.
Vy: This is certainly one for the books.
Vivian: You know, Vy, you really hurt my feelings yesterday.
Vy: What are you talking about?
Vivian: When you said I was spoiling Will and my kids. I'm just trying to give them the things that we didn't have.
Vy: First of all, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Seems to me, when we were growing up I'd say a lot worse to you and you'd take it. I don't know, I think living in California has made you sensitive.
Vivian: I don't think I'm being sensitive, Vy. You basically called me a bad mother.
Vy: Baby, look, I don't think you're a bad mother. I never would've sent Will out here if I thought you were. I don't blame you for wanting to give those kids everything we didn't have. But you got to teach them how to work hard, too. Now, that's what I taught you. You turned out pretty good.

Quote from Vy

Will: Ma, can I help you in here?
Vy: No, not from what I saw today. Please. You got to learn how to cook before you go to college.
Will: Oh, yeah, Aunt Viv can teach me. She's a great cook.
Vy: Well, she should be. I taught her. And your mama didn't raise no fools. So, you got an "A" in English, huh?
Will: Yeah, yeah, yeah. They think I'm a genius.
Vy: Well, you just keep working hard, genius. When I leave here, I want you to listen to your Aunt Viv, okay?
Will: Yes, ma'am.
Vy: I have to say you guys did a terrible job with dinner tonight. I wish I could've seen you cooking it.
Will: Oh, yo, Mom, you definitely would've been crying, straight up.
Vy: You make me laugh just thinking about it. But you always did make me laugh. I miss that.
Will: I miss it, too.

Quote from Philip

Vivian: My sister should be here any minute. Aren't you excited?
Philip: Oh, yeah, I can't wait till she gets out here and starts taking her usual shots at me.
Vivian: Vy's that way with everybody.
Philip: Remember what she said about my beard?
Vivian: Oh, you misunderstood.
Philip: She said it made me look like Bigfoot. Which is ridiculous, because nobody knows what Bigfoot really looks like.

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